Lily & Lila's Mommy!

Lillian's last day of kindergarten was this past Friday. I never thought I was the type to get emotional about my kids growing up. I knew it was going to happen and I have been prepared for it since the day I found out I was pregnant. Maybe its because on Thursday and Friday I was hit with an extreme case of PMS, but I was an emotional wreck. I got her up and ready for school. I let her wear whatever she wanted. I let her brush her own hair, and handle all of her morning rituals, then we hopped into the truck and off to school we went. We got there a little early so I let the girls run around in the grass for a little while before the teacher came and unlocked the gate. The kids were all having a blast and I tried to take a few pictures unsuccessfully. Then out came her teacher and she was running to the gate. I managed to get a couple pictures of her and her friends, then right before she went into her classroom I snapped a picture of Lil and her teacher.

Thats when I lost it. After taking the picture of her with her teacher I turned around real quick and started walking to the truck just hoping that nobody wanted to talk because by that time the tears were rolling down my cheeks. I got into the truck and sat there for a few minutes letting the tears roll and thinking to myself "WHY are you crying?!?" I still cant tell you the exact reason I cried, but it has something to do with the fact that a huge part of her childhood has passed and the rest is going to FLY by.

I sat in the truck for about a minute before I put it into drive and started driving away. Then of course I turned on the radio because I am completely unable to drive a car without music. The song was "Just Fishin." by Trace Adkins. Thats when I REALLY lost it. The tears were rolling faster than I could wipe. Thats when I realized that my baby was growing up faster than I was ready and that I need to put some serious effort into creating memories with her that she can hold onto.

I dont have too many memories from before my parents divorce. I have a few, usually involving my grandparents, but not too many. If you ask me something I can usually remember it, but off the top of my head, not much. I hope that I can create enough memories with my girls that they can hold on to them.

Luckly as I drove down the hill back to my house I saw another parent walking his kindergartner to school and they were at the bottom of the hill still about a mile from the school, so I made a u-turn to pick them up. Cant be late on the LAST day! So I pulled myself together because the last people I wanted to cry infront of was Abby and her dad Chris, whom I have hardly ever talked to before. After I got them to the school, I saw that the kids were already on the playground and that Lillian was in no way phased by the fact that it was going to be a couple months before she saw these kids again.

I went home and tried to pull my thoughts together and kept my mind busy doing mindless things around the house. But when it was time to pick her up my eyes began to fill with water again. I went to the store and bought her a bouquet of flowers and a balloon since they didnt have a "graduation" ceremony and parked in front of the school and waited until it was time to pick her up. Lila was in the back seat sleeping so I just sat in the car listening to music and crying my eyes out. I finally pulled myself together right before I had to get her. It was a bitter sweet moment, I was proud but sad and happy but already reminiscent of the past year and all of the things my baby has accomplished, all at the same time.

So now my little girl is a first grader. She is joining the big bad world of school. I just hope we can make the rest of it memorable!