Lily & Lila's Mommy!

Coming Out Of The Fog

2012-02-16T09:19:00.000-08:00

I wrote this blog on Facebook, after being asked a few times how I managed to overcome my depression.

First off, I feel obliged to say that this is MY story, and in no way intended to insult, diagnose, or criticize other for their own personal choices. I have been asked plenty of times in the past few months how I changed my life around without the medication. I feel like I need to share MY story, so maybe other people can get another idea on how they can find a new way to be happy.

I can't really tell you when my depression started. Probably as a child. I was overweight, my home life was a mess, and friends were hard to come by. I had a few people that I knew, but there was about two years, middle school, where I felt completely lost and alone. Maybe everyone feels like this, but I didn't know that, I just felt like I didn't belong anywhere. Then in high school I tried to make friends, maybe too hard, but I did meet some pretty awesome people. Anyways, when I graduated high school I was in a really great place. I felt good about myself, I had tons of friends, and tons of fun. Of course we had our ups and downs, I made friends, lost some, had my heart broken, made some stupid choices, and got in a bind or two. I survived it all but not without some real loss.

I met my now husband, Nick, when I was 19 years old. We had some real ups and downs in the first year, break up and make ups, and we made it through. We were engaged pretty quickly too, in June of 2004, after only 7 months of knowing each other. We decided we were going to wait and have our wedding on Dec. 10th, 2005. That gave us a year and a half to plan it and I would be 21. Well, things didn't turn out the way we expected, and I got pregnant in Feb. 2005. My due date was Nov. 7th, and that was just too close to my planned wedding date for me, so I postponed the wedding.

I think that is when my hormones took over. I went a little crazy. Nick and I even broke up for about a week because I was so insane. Everything made me angry. To top it off, I didn't feel like I had a lot of support from my friends and family. After all, I was 20, no job, not married, and had just moved back home. Everyone was nervous for me, but I was nervous enough for myself, so the added stress was a little too much to handle. This is the point when the sadness took over. There was nothing to really be SAD about, but I couldn't stop the feeling. Nick and I moved into an apartment when I was about 6 months pregnant. It was a tough time for us, learning how to be financially stable while expecting a baby. I avoided people that were once my friend because i was embarrassed about being pregnant.

When Lillian was born, she was the light of my life. She was exactly what Nick and I had dreamed about in a child. We spent nights just watching her sleep and got excited over every little cough, noise, or movement. I thought that things would get easier since I wasn't pregnant, but they just got a lot harder. I was crying a lot, fighting with Nick, and to top it off my grandma was sick. I loved her more than words can explain. Just a little less than two months after Lillian was born, my Grandma passed away. I was devastated. If I had Post Partum Depression (PPD), it just turned into full-on depression. Then, the month after Grammer died, my sister Lindsey and her family moved away. Double whammy. I started panicking about not being married so I threw together a wedding at the last minute because our groomsman was leaving for Afghanistan, and we wanted to do it before he left. The wedding was a mess, and nothing like I had dreamed about.

Lets skip the next year, because it was just a fog of depression, and not a lot happened, except that my husband and I could no longer afford our apartment, and had to move in with my Dad.

I realized that I was depressed in 2007. I saw one of those "Do you feel blue?" commercials and everything they asked in the commercial I answered YES! Yes I am sad, I cry a lot, I don't enjoy normal things. I went on the website, filled out the form and forgot about it. During this time, Nick and I had a few ups and downs, and he was really feeling lost about how to deal with me and my depression, and it turned into a mess. I had talked to my doctors about my depression, but for a year and a half they called it "baby blues" and told me it would go away. I never really tried to convince them I was depressed, because i didn't know how bad it was.

My biggest moment was when I realized how often I was having suicidal thoughts. Not really planning on killing myself, but thinking about how I could do it, and what would happen. I never acted on them, but they were there.

I got a call from a clinic in Irvine saying that i had been approved for their trial, and I needed to come in once a week. The first day there changed my life. I talked to a Psychiatrist who made me realize that i was depressed, and none of the feelings of sadness, loss, and depression were NORMAL after having a baby. Especially not over a year later. Luckily the study I was on had no placebos, it was testing the effectiveness of Cymbalta vs. Lexapro, so I was put on medication immediately. Within a month, I started feeling better. I starting feeling normal again. After the 10 week study I felt like a new person. I was enjoying life. But that feeling was like being high on drugs. You have to keep increasing your dose to keep the happy feeling, and then sometimes you have to switch to something else to get the high back. If I ran out, i would go through withdrawals that were emotionally violent. If I forgot a pill for two days in a row, I would have breakdowns. My depression was in no way better, it was just masked. I lived like that for over a year, up and down.

In the summer of 2008, Nick and I decided to try for another baby. Lily needed a sibling. I switched my medication to Zoloft because my doctor convinced me that it was safe for pregnancy.

I survived the pregnancy much better than my first. It had a lot to do with the medication, but also that we were married and had already had a baby before.

Delilah was born in May of 2009.

After Delilah's birth I tried to be proactive about my depression. I took care of it before it became an issue. I started seeing a Psychologist, Psychiatrist, and added Abilify to my newly increased dose of Zoloft. It seemed to work, but as soon as I started feeling BETTER, it seemed like the pills didn't work anymore, and I needed MORE. I was increased 3 more times until i was on the largest dose of Zoloft, and a very high dose of Abilify. We moved to our new home in 2010, a year after Delilah was born. Things were going alright, but the sadness seemed to creep back in, and FAST.

Thats when the worst day of my life happened. I am not going into details about it, because most people know, but when she was 15 months old, Delilah climbed to the top of my headboard and got my bottle of pills and took 16 of my Abilify. She survived fine, but the pills have a sever effect on her emotionally, basically putting her into a fog, for a very long time.

That was the day I decided that I wouldnt be a victim of my depression, but I was going to fight it. I was going to live my life without the pills. I couldnt keep them in my house anymore after seeing my daughter unconscious for days. So I threw them all away and began my journey.

You can't really explain to someone what its like to have depression, unless you have experienced it. Some people think that anxiety is depression, but nervousness/anxiety is more of a relative than the same thing. Its not being in a tough place in life, and its not being sad over lifes curve balls. Depression for me started by a hormonal imbalance, and then I didn't know how to fight it. I was lost in this sea of sadness and couldn't even find a boat.

When I decided to fight the depression, it was a hard time. I was unstable emotionally and I was fighting with Nick a lot. It started about December 2010. I had my two best friends, Rachel and Melissa to help me, so I felt strong about my goals. My New Years resolution was to stop being depressed. My dad had always told me that happiness was a choice. I never believed him, until I made that choice. It took a little while for the side effects of the medication to go away, but once they did i started my journey easily. I started a journey back into living a full life by first doing some research online. I read numerous blogs about other people who struggled with what I was dealing with, but it seemed like I was just dreaming about being better.

The first big step was removing certain friends who focused on only the negatives of life. Those people were some of my closest friends, and i cared about them, and they cared about me, but I couldn't focus on my own happiness when I was constantly reminded about their issues. They feed of of negativity and that is toxic. I can't say that I broke it off easily, both times it was a messy and emotional split, but once I remembered that I was doing it for my own mental health, it made it easier. Its hard to walk away from relationships and friendships, but if you really want to start focusing on positivity, you have to only keep optimistic people around you.

The second thing I did was actually here on Facebook. I stopped posting negative statuses and airing my "dirty laundry". You would be amazed to see how much optimism you can find in people once you start being optimistic yourself. This didn't fix my depression, but it made it less of a focus in my day to day life. I also used this strategy in life. I stopped talking about everything that was wrong and I started talking about everything that was good. By limiting what I said, it started limiting what I THOUGHT.

I also came across a book, called The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz. I know I talk about the book a lot, but I really believe that it helped me understand how to live a happy life. The book mainly teaches that every thought and emotion you feel is because somewhere in your life you learned that was what you SHOULD be feeling. I learned that if I changed my perspective on how I looked at things, then the things I thought were negative were really not, it was just how i perceived them. The things I learned were as follows-

1. Never take anything personally. The only reason people judge you or make negative comments is because that is a personal belief they have for themselves. You don't have to live by anyone elses rules, and most people know that. So once you learn that their comments are their own beliefs, and not what you believe, you can stop taking them personally. No ones opinions should ever matter to you.

2. Don't make assumptions. You cannot get into another persons head. You can not think for them, so why do you think you know what they are going to do. If you want people to stop putting their unrealistic expectations on YOU, then you have to stop putting yours on THEM. Don't expect anything from anyone, and if you want something, ask for it, because if you don't, you will be disappointed in them for something they didn't even know you wanted. Assumptions are ALWAYS a bad habit.

3. Be impeccable with your word. People's words are their biggest weapon, but they can also be your best quality. If you stop and think before you speak, and you ONLY speak kind and true words, then people will start doing the same to you. Hold your tongue if you are going to put your own judgments onto other people. Remember, your beliefs are not theirs. Being impeccable with your words makes you a better person.

4. Always do your best. Whatever you feel like your doing your best at, then good for you. If you know that you could do better, then DO BETTER. but never ever worry about living up to other peoples expectations if they are not your own personal best. you know when you are doing all you can more than any other person on this planet, so keep true to yourself.

if you follow these rules, you can really learn to be happy. Of course, these are just quick summaries. If you want to learn how to apply these to your life, then get the book, or ask me, I have one you can borrow.

Of course, I am not perfect, and I make mistakes, and I say things and think things I shouldn't. I am only human, but the difference is, I recognize when i am doing it and I stop the behavior. I have also stopped gossiping. Even harmless gossip can be changed into negative words when the wrong person is around, so you always have to be careful with what you say or do.

To sum it up, I have made the decision to be happy, and these are the steps I took to find that happiness. Without making that choice, every day, you wont be happy. Life throws curve balls, and people will do things to you that hurt, but if you remember that life is still going, you can remember that "This too shall pass". I have also learned forgiveness. There are many people in life that have hurt me, or disappointed me, but now that I know that those feelings were MINE and mine alone, and I let them go, I can really be happy. Feeling angry doesn't solve anything. It just hurts YOU. Once you let go of that anger you can accept others even with their flaws.

Those people in life that have hurt me, and let me down, I have forgiven. I wont hold a grudge. But I learned who I can and cannot let into my life. Its not that I am mad, its that I respect my happiness enough that I am not going to compromise it for someone who doesn't respect it.

I can really say that right now I am the happiest i have ever been. I am enjoying my daughters, my husband, my family, and my friends so much more now that I am really present. No more fog. No more pills. Just me, my happiness, and my life.

Now that I have learned how to be happy, I have found this spiritual inner peace. its not though religion, but something else, deeper within myself. I know what i believe and I feel strongly about it. I want to make the world a better place. To quote one of the best movies ever... "I really do want world peace" - Sandra Bullock Miss Congeniality.

Big Changes

2012-02-16T09:06:00.000-08:00

I haven't updated this blog in so long again. I know why I don't, but it seems a bit silly. I started this blog as a way to vent. To get out what I needed without hurting the ones I love. Things have changed in my life recently, and i no longer feel the need to "Vent" anymore. I have decided to focus my life on positive thoughts, being happy, and love. It is more like a new year resolution that I can stick with. Last year my resolution was to beat my depression, and I believe I did that and have been completely pill free for almost a year. Now if I can focus on good things, I believe that good will surround me. So instead of a vent blog, this will be my happy blog. So to start it off, here are some pictures of my little munchkins! I am also going to post the blog I shared on my depression, and how I think I beat it.

Lillian & Delilah with their cousins

Delilah being sick and tired of Mommy taking her picture.

My Lillian as beautiful as ever!

He Aint No Santa Claus

2011-11-19T21:01:00.001-08:00

I would like to start this blog by saying that I have an amazing husband who loves me dearly. he isnt romantic in any way, but I know that I am the love of his life and he is mine. he is an amazing father to our kids and a great provider. I love him with all of my heart and would not trade him for the world. On that note-

My husband is the worst gift giver in the history of gifts. I am serious, his gift giving is just atrocious. For my wedding gift to him I gave him a pocket watch (which he had told me he ALWAYS wanted one) engraved with our wedding date on it. His gift to me? A vase. Yup, a $20 glass vase with no flowers from target. For our first Valentines day? He gave me a 4 inch glass rose on a stand that he purchased from a smoke shop "because it will never die." Sweet right? The kicker? He gave his mom the same exact thing. He has not given me a valentines gift since. Other heinous gifts have been a robe that was way too small, cheap jewelry from Walmart that was too small, a few pillows, a blanket, and once in a while I buy myself something and tell him that its from him. I have bought him fishing trips for he and a friend, fishing reels and poles, nice jackets, movies, games, stuff for his beloved fish tank, and everything else he has "always wanted". I am a wonderful gift giver. This Christmas I was planning on getting him the electric drum set he has been silently drooling over.

Tonight he went to the store to pick a few things up and my oldest daughter asked him to get her a "surprise." He then asked me, with the slightest bit of dread, if I would like anything. Of course my response was "Sure!" I am a sucker for surprise gifts! Oh wait, no I'm not because I never get them, but of course I let myself get my hopes up thinking he just MIGHT have something in mind that I would love or possibly even like. So I sat here at home thinking of all of the lovely things he could get me.

Now I need to explain last night for this one. last night my husband wanted to watch a new movie my Dad gave him. I had NO interest in watching it, so i told him that since we dont have a DVD player in the bedroom that he would have to watch it in the living room, and that I would go to bed and watch some TV. Sounded like a great deal to me! I get to snuggle in bed all alone watching whatever I want? Yes please!! I ended up falling asleep before he made it to bed. Now back to the other story-

So as I was sitting on the couch waiting for him to get home I was thinking of all of the things he could possible get me, like some pajamas or slippers, maybe a bottle of wine, a new wallet that I told him I needed earlier today, then he walks in the door with a bag. He hands me the bag and gives the kids their surprise, fun coloring books! YAY! My surprise? A DVD player. Now, let me tell you something. I am not a big movie watcher. There is a movie ONCE IN A GREAT WHILE that I am dying to see, but I never actually buy movies. I will watch them once On Demand, and then if i ever have the desire to watch it again, I will go buy it. My husband on the other hand buys and watches movies like its his job. I cant tell you a movie that has come out in the past few years that he hasnt watched. This DVD player has just come between me and my alone time DAMN IT!

I know you are thinking that he bought it so we can watch them TOGETHER, but still, thats not a gift for ME. That is for him, 100%. Of course I have to tell you that I have the WORST game face ever. I mean the WORST! So when I opened the bag and saw the DVD player I said "this isnt for me, right?" His response? "i knew you wouldnt like it." WELL THEN WHY THE HELL WOULD YOU BUY IT FOR ME? If he bought it for HIMSELF I wouldnt have minded in the least bit. I would have said "Awesome! I hope you like it!" but for me? NO.

I HAVE giving hints, I have TOLD him what I would like. I have written down my ring/necklace/bracelet size for him. I am a girly girl in most senses and would LOVE a beautiful piece of jewelry (that fits)! I am getting sick of his bologna excuses that he isn't good at buying gifts. I just want him to TRY once in a while... It makes me feel unappreciated and like he doesn't think of me. I wish I could accept that he will never be able to buy me a good gift, but in all honesty, its just not going to happen. I would rather get nothing than the first thing on the end of the aisle at Target because its my birthday and he hasn't gotten me a gift. Thanks for reading.

Craving Social Interaction

2011-06-18T17:40:00.001-07:00

As of this weekend, we have officially been living in our house for 1 year. Its been a lot of ups and downs and crazy, so hopefully in the next year or two things will settle down and we will find our grove.

Today I am having a rough time. When I was in Riverside I could easily find something to do on a Saturday night. It was getting someone to stay with the kids that was difficult. Now that we can take turns hanging out with friends, or possibly even get a sitter, there is just nothing to do.

Only one of my friends has made an effort to visit more than once. She has been a life saver but I feel like a pain in the ass because sometimes I need some social interaction and I always seem to turn to her. I am sure her boyfriend is sick of me always asking her to come over. I have other friends, but they live out of state or are busy with their own lives.

Its hard for me to make friends here. Its so hit or miss. I have met awesome people, but they have their own circle of friends. I have also met some who I could try and call, but we are just too different and I really don't think a friendship is possible.

Its extremely hard to have friends without kids. Most of my friends don't have kids which makes it hard because they can freely go about without needing to do anything but clear it with a husband or boyfriend. I on the other hand live over 30 minutes away from all of them, and cannot go too far from home in case something happens and I need to get home.

I have thought about joining a Mommy Group, but the last time I tried that it was a bust. Some women are just too uptight and catty, and I just don't have the patience to hang out with women who like competing against each other.

I guess its just going to be one of those facebook nights. :) Thanks for letting me rant.

Memorial Day

2011-05-30T17:50:00.000-07:00

Today is Memorial Day. I have spent my day on my couch because I am pretty sure I ate something that didnt agree with me yesterday. Needless to say, I am not a happy camper today.

So today I wanted to say thank you to the men in my family that served in the military and fought in our wars, but a facebook status update between my posts about food poisoning and my new bleach blonde hair didnt seem appropriate or nearly enough.

My Dad served in the US Navy in the 60's and I am pretty sure he got out in the early 70's. I dont know the exact details because I have never really prodded my Dad for the information. When he wants to talk about his past in the service I am always open to hear it, but usually its not something he wants to talk about. My dad fought in the Vietnam war in 1969. Again, there are a few stories I know by heart, but for the most part all I know is that my Dad served in the Navy, was deployed in Vietnam in 1969, worked on the river boats, was a welder, and was hit in the ankles by shrapnel.

Once when I was a kid I asked my Dad what war was like. He answered with one word, hell. Later in life we were sitting in the living room watching a movie, Saving Private Ryan, my dad started the movie and said "Lauren, you asked me what war is like, watch the first 10 minutes of this movie and you will understand." I have never gotten past the first 10 minutes of that movie.

My uncle Larry was also in the service during the Vietnam war. He was in the Air Force, and I am pretty sure he was an officer. Sadly, because of exposure to Agent Orange, my uncle developed terminal brain cancer and passed away in 1987. I wish I had a chance to get to know him, but from what I have heard he was an extremely intelligent and pretty awesome guy!

Also, my Grandpa, Kerk Eliassen also served in in the Navy, and he fought in WWII. Again, I dont know much about it.

I want to say thank you so much to my family that has served, and of course my friends who are in Iraq and Afghanistan. THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU! I love you all!!

There is a wall in North Dakota, where my Grandparents were born, and my dad and his brother were born too. It is a veterans memorial wall. I wanted to share a few of the bricks of MY family members that have served in the wars. Please dont forget to thank a veteran today!

The last day of Kindergarten

2011-05-28T21:33:00.001-07:00

Lillian's last day of kindergarten was this past Friday. I never thought I was the type to get emotional about my kids growing up. I knew it was going to happen and I have been prepared for it since the day I found out I was pregnant. Maybe its because on Thursday and Friday I was hit with an extreme case of PMS, but I was an emotional wreck. I got her up and ready for school. I let her wear whatever she wanted. I let her brush her own hair, and handle all of her morning rituals, then we hopped into the truck and off to school we went. We got there a little early so I let the girls run around in the grass for a little while before the teacher came and unlocked the gate. The kids were all having a blast and I tried to take a few pictures unsuccessfully. Then out came her teacher and she was running to the gate. I managed to get a couple pictures of her and her friends, then right before she went into her classroom I snapped a picture of Lil and her teacher.

Thats when I lost it. After taking the picture of her with her teacher I turned around real quick and started walking to the truck just hoping that nobody wanted to talk because by that time the tears were rolling down my cheeks. I got into the truck and sat there for a few minutes letting the tears roll and thinking to myself "WHY are you crying?!?" I still cant tell you the exact reason I cried, but it has something to do with the fact that a huge part of her childhood has passed and the rest is going to FLY by.

I sat in the truck for about a minute before I put it into drive and started driving away. Then of course I turned on the radio because I am completely unable to drive a car without music. The song was "Just Fishin." by Trace Adkins. Thats when I REALLY lost it. The tears were rolling faster than I could wipe. Thats when I realized that my baby was growing up faster than I was ready and that I need to put some serious effort into creating memories with her that she can hold onto.

I dont have too many memories from before my parents divorce. I have a few, usually involving my grandparents, but not too many. If you ask me something I can usually remember it, but off the top of my head, not much. I hope that I can create enough memories with my girls that they can hold on to them.

Luckly as I drove down the hill back to my house I saw another parent walking his kindergartner to school and they were at the bottom of the hill still about a mile from the school, so I made a u-turn to pick them up. Cant be late on the LAST day! So I pulled myself together because the last people I wanted to cry infront of was Abby and her dad Chris, whom I have hardly ever talked to before. After I got them to the school, I saw that the kids were already on the playground and that Lillian was in no way phased by the fact that it was going to be a couple months before she saw these kids again.

I went home and tried to pull my thoughts together and kept my mind busy doing mindless things around the house. But when it was time to pick her up my eyes began to fill with water again. I went to the store and bought her a bouquet of flowers and a balloon since they didnt have a "graduation" ceremony and parked in front of the school and waited until it was time to pick her up. Lila was in the back seat sleeping so I just sat in the car listening to music and crying my eyes out. I finally pulled myself together right before I had to get her. It was a bitter sweet moment, I was proud but sad and happy but already reminiscent of the past year and all of the things my baby has accomplished, all at the same time.

So now my little girl is a first grader. She is joining the big bad world of school. I just hope we can make the rest of it memorable!

Lions pinch camera

2011-05-28T21:08:00.000-07:00

She is TWO!

2011-05-26T12:59:00.000-07:00

About 3 years ago, my little Lillian was just about 2 1/2 and Nick and I decided it was about time to give her a sibling. We spent many night discussing and wondering if it was the right time in our lives. We knew that we wanted our kids to be close enough in age that they could enjoy eachother as much as we enjoyed them.

Of course I knew in my heart I was hoping for a little girl. I wanted Lily to have a sister because I was lucky enough to have three amazing sisters who I can call my best friends and I wanted my daughter to be able to know and understand that love and connection.

When I got pregnant I was so excited! I couldnt wait to find out if our little bean sprout was a boy or a girl, but in my heart I was BEGGING for a girl. Lillian wasnt so private with her thoughts and she let us know that she REALLY wanted a sister.

The day came to find out if our little nugget was a boy or girl, and as soon as the technician placed the ultrasound over the privates Nick and I looked at each other and we KNEW that our new baby was in fact a girl. We let the cat out of the bag on Christmas, telling the family that they were about to get another little princess to join our pack.

The day she was born, we took one look at her and knew her name would be Delilah. It was 9 months of trying to chose a name, and it only took one minute to know that her name was Delilah. After my csection I was taken into recovery and didnt get to see her for over an hour. All I had was a little glimpse of this perfect baby to hold on to and looked forward to the moment when she was handed to me and I could keep her forever.

As I was taken into my room, the nurse brought me this tiny little bundle and said Congratulations Mommy! And there she was. In my arms and all snuggly. I held her up and kissed her and told her how beautiful she was. I will never forget that day. Even if it was a bit hazy due to the morphine!

Today, when I went into her room this morning she was lying in her bed wide awake. I walked to the side of the crib and leaned over and whispered "Happy Birthday little girl". She stood up handing me her stuffed animals and blanket like she does every morning when she isnt ready to get up yet. We snuggled and played, and I painted her nails and let her eat ice cream for breakfast. Then we stopped and got some candy and juice from the store.

She is so happy. The joys in her day are playing with her sister, snuggling with mommy and daddy, watching cartoons, and right now she is on the couch playing with a huge butterfly balloon completely oblivious to the fact that its her special day.

I cant imagine my life with out this little girl. She makes my heart skip a beat when I say "I love you" and she replies by just saying "too". She is beautiful and silly and smart all wrapped up in a ball of happiness. Even when she is upset or mad it just takes a second to pull a smile out of her. And when I find myself a little down she is always there ready to make me the happiest mommy in the world.

Although today she is a big girl, and turning two, she is always going to be my baby. I wanted her since I was a little girl. To have two daughters was what I dreamed of, and I was lucky enough to be blessed with two amazing kids. Today I know my life and family are complete. All because of this special little gift. My little Delilah Mae. I love you baby girl!

5th Anniversary

2011-05-21T11:13:00.000-07:00

Well that was an interesting adventure we had last night. Let me start off by explaining what happened on Thursday, to help explain why Friday went the way it did.

On Thursday I was driving to take Lillian to cheer practice. We stopped off at Circle K to get some drinks and got back onto the road. I was stuck behind a girl doing about 20 MPH in a 45. I am not sure what she was thinking but she had no interest in going any faster (At this point we had 10 minutes to get there and signed in), so I decided to go around her. It was a two lane road, and she was in the left lane, so I got into the right an tried to go around her. Just as I was pulling up next to her, she decided to get it the right lane. She must not have looked at all because she started merging into the lane right next to me. The back of her car was next to my window. I slammed on the brakes to slow down. And when I say slammed, I mean, I actually pressed the brake as hard as I possibly could. My tires started screeching and the back end of my car was going sideways. I ended up diagonal in my lane and still sliding when she fully merged into the lane I was in. She was completely oblivious. So I composed myself as much as I could because at this point I was having a full on anxiety attack, got into the left lane and went on my way.

It doesnt seem like such a big deal because we didn't get into an actual accident, but the situation put some serious wear and tear on my car.

After the events of Thursday were over I went home and we didn't go anywhere again until yesterday afternoon when we left for Dana Point. We made it up the hill (the Ortegas/ HWY 74) and over, and when we started coming down the other side I noticed that the brakes were grinding. Then the clicking started, which turned into cracking, which turned into popping, which turned into squealing and squeaking and eventually a god awful ear piercing sound every time the wheels turned.

We pulled over at a shell gas station right where the 74 hwy meets the interstate 5 in San Juan Capistrano. At this point I was really upset and not sure of what to do. I started making phone calls to local mechanics to see if anyone was open because it was 5pm on a Friday. We were going to ask Nicks sister to help us get a tow back to Elsinore, but I called my Dad and he said to just get it into a shop and he was bringing me his truck. So we got it into Goodyear 30 minutes before they closed, and sat on a curb for about an hour until my Dad made it. I love that I can always count on him.

We made it to the Salt Creek Grille at 7:20, about an hour after our reservations, but it was fine. We had a nice dinner with our two crazy kids who at this point were so tired, hungry, and bored that they were restless during dinner, so we spent most of the time telling them to sit down and eat. After we left the restaurant we stopped by the beach the kids love to play at. It was about 9pm and only 55 degrees outside, but we had promised the kids they could play in the sand for a little while and they begged up to stop, so we did. They lasted a whole 5 minutes and we got back into the car and made it home.

It was all in all a stressful evening that didn't go nearly as planned, but it was eventful and a night to remember.

Hopefully our 10th Anniversary goes a little better.

And I got a call this morning that the hub bearing in my right tire has been replaced and its ready to go.... Now for getting back out there to get the car. LOL

2011-05-17T13:46:00.000-07:00

I feel the need to blog again. I just want to get out my frustrations, but at the same time i want to get out my happiness too and share it with the world. Since my last blog, about 6 months ago, only a few things have changed. This Friday will mark my 5th wedding anniversary. And in just 9 short days its my baby girl Delilahs 2nd birthday. And then a day after that Lillian will be graduating Kindergarten. Thats right, in 10 days Lily will be a 1st grader.

Thats the big news I guess. That life is moving forward and my kids are getting older. I'm not really sure how I feel about it. I am happy, and proud of them, but I miss my babies. I miss snuggling. Now when I try I get them screaming "MOM!! NO!" But I sweetly just guilt trip them and tell them if they love me they will give me more hugs and kisses, that usually works.

As for me, I am 100% officially off of all antidepressants. I dont talk about it much because I dont want to jinx myself, but its been about 5 months since I have taken any, and I think I am doing damn good. Sometimes I catch myself about to cry but I usually just excuse myself, take a breath or two, and I am fine. I am so happy that the down part of my life is OVER. Sadly, since then I have gained a bit of weight, like 20 lbs, and on top of the 40 I gained while i was depressed I am in some serious need of a tape worm, or a diet, or bariatric procedure or something..

And I have since rekindled my friendship with my old best friend. I know some of you might say "What about everyhting that happened in the past? Are you just going to let it go?" Well YES I am. I did some seriously messed up things as a teenager and young adult, and I have changed SO much since then, who am I to hold a grudge against someone who was my partner in crime? She too has grown and its ended up being pretty freaking awesome having her in my life now. I missed her and her open acceptance no matter what I choose to do.

And on that note, I can also say that I have lost a friend too. I realized that this person drug me down deeper into my depression and drug me through their own issues to the point where it was consuming me. I wasnt able to focus on my own circumstances because i was so focused on theirs. Of course I could always say that it was a lightbulb moment that made me push them away, but honestly it was more of a spur of the moment quick decision that I in no way regret. I cannot support someone who is living their life in a way that I disagree with, and when their actions are inexcusable and just plain mean, I am not going to be supportive. SO I made the rash decision to walk away from that friendship. Since then I can say that I appreciate my husband and my life much more. I never realized how one person can dig into you and pull out so much self doubt. Like I said, I am so glad that I have walked away.

As for Nick and I? Well things are alright. We have been financially struggling like no other lately, and have to go to extreme measures to get by, but things are looking up. I hope. He should be taking his Concrete Inspection test very soon, and then my hubby will be a full blown inspector and we will be making some good money. My hope is that by the end of the year we will be out of debt, and hopefully paying the mortgage on our own. Its not an impossible feat, but it will be difficult.

Our 5th wedding anniversary is this Friday. May 20th. I like to think that it flew by, but it seems that I can hardly remember what it was like before Nick. I remember what happened, and the events that occurred, but remembering how I felt or who I was is impossible. I am no longer a simple single person. I am a wife and a mother. Those things are so life changing. I have no idea what I am going to do about our anniversary. I dont know what to get him or how we should celebrate. He is so anti romantic that even if I did plan something awesome it wouldnt matter to him. I think we are just going to do our staple anniversary date and head over the hill to the Salt Creek Grill for dinner. Yeah, thats what we will do. :) Anyways, thanks for reading if you made it this far. I know that my blogging doesnt matter to anyone but myself, so I appreciate anyone who takes the time to read it.

I leave you with a picture of my kids, because yes, they are totally cuter than yours.

So uh... Hey!

2010-09-14T12:01:00.000-07:00

I feel like its been an eternity since I have blogged. And when I look back turns out its been over a year! I am totally FIRED from the blog world! So I guess its time for an update right? Here goes!

Lillian has officially entered Kindergarten!! My first baby has graduated to a big girl! She loves her class and has met a few friends that she has planned on inviting to her birthday party. Appaerntly thats the cool thing to do to prove that you are friends, invite your new friends to your birthday party. Tonight she also starts ballet. We contimplated sports, gymnastics, cheer, and dance and it was ultimatly Lillians decision. She decided that Ballet with her BFF Kathryn was what she wanted to do. So tonight starts her first dance class.

Delilah is a whopping 15 months old. I cant believe my little tiny baby is a big playful toddler now. She is a climber, and adventurer and a daredevil! She currently has a black eye from the bathroom and not too long ago she swooped on my anti-depressants and took 16 of them. Thats a story for another day, but just so you dont worry, she is 100% fine and healthy now. She gets into everything, and if her sister does it, you bet that Lila is going to do it, and faster!

As for Nick and I things are great. We have been married 4 1/2 years now and this november it will be 7 years since we first started dating. I cant believe its been that long. But on the other hand it feels like its been forever.

And last but not least, WE BOUGHT A HOUSE! It took us 18 months from the day we started looking to the day we signed the paperwork, but it was worth it. We have moved to northern Lake Elsinore, which was a little further than I was expecting to move but it has been better than I ever expected. I love it hre and I love our new house.

Everything else is going along as usual except I am horribly sick. But I will update more as it comes along.

Update

2009-08-05T15:00:00.000-07:00

So we have been looking for houses non stop. Its actually a lot harder than I thought it would be. Who knew that it was a SELLERs market and that there is NOTHING for buyers? Well we decided that our best bet would be a condo in Riverside. Its still close by, on Jackson and California, and its a three bedroom with a two car garage and enclosed patio. Perfect for my little family! I know that we have had problems before, getting a place, but this looks more promising than the others because we are the ONLY offer unlike the other homes where we were the "most promising". This time we're going in strong so finers crossed! Plus this time its not a short sale!!!

My wedding dress

2009-07-24T15:39:00.000-07:00

Anyone follow Kellys Korner? Her blog is awesome, so check it out!

Here is my wedding dress from 2006! It wasnt what I wanted but I didnt have time to pick what I REALLY wanted.

Here is MY dress

And here is my DREAM dress!

Love and War

2009-07-08T13:06:00.000-07:00

I am now officially Mrs. Vento.

I know, I know, your thinking "Havent you been married for 3 years?"

Well to answer your question, yes I have. I just never dragged my butt to the office of records to get a copy of my licence to change my name. Its actually a huge pain in the ass, if you ask me! I signed Lillian up for Preschool this week. I had to get a copy of Delilah's birth certificate, but I also had to get a new copy of Lillians SS card. I fugured since I was going to all of these places I might as well get the stuff to change my name. And now its done! As soon as my new social security card comes I am going to hop on over to the DMV and get a new licence too!

As I type this it brings to my attention some serious thoughts about my husband and our relationship. Its been brought to my attention that I bitch too much and dont vocalize my appreciation enough. For the record, I have an amazing husband and a great marriage! Yes he drives me crazy, and yes there are times I cant stand him, but thats ME, not us.

We are actually best friends. We understand eachother better than anyones else. We don't keep secrets. We never compete. We always make time for the other one. We parent together. And we love eachother more than anything. Just because we have problems doesnt mean we have a crappy marriage. We have two beautiful daughters whom we wanted very much too.

Nick is an amazing father. He alway wants whats best for his girls and he cant bare to see them hurt or sad. He always wants the best for me too. He would give anything for us to be happy. He works his ass off everyday to make sure that we have what we need. He puts his wife and children before all others, like any man should do! He even cooks me dinner, takes out the trash without me having to ask, he changes diapers, makes bottles, cleans the room, gives babies baths, and will do the dishes. How lucky am I?

I know with all of my heart that we will be married for the rest of our lives, no matter what kind of crap I have to talk about him or the things about me that annoy him. And god forbid we dont make it to forever, I know that we will still be friends.

So to sum it up, I love my husband VERY much! If it sounds like I am bitching more than praising, it doesnt mean that I dont love him, and that we arent happy, it just means we are normal. So CHILL!

HAPPY ONE MONTH DELILAH!

2009-06-26T15:34:00.000-07:00

My baby girl is a month old today!

1 Day vs 1 month

She is such a beautiful baby. Interested in everything around her. Soon she should start smiling, laughing, rolling, and being more happy and less sleepy.

Update on my crazyness

2009-06-26T14:22:00.000-07:00

I got my Zoloft, took a double dose, and I am already starting to feel NORMAL again. Thank you God for creating the people who created Zoloft!!!

Some blah blah blah and a huge happy moment

2009-06-25T23:15:00.000-07:00

This is a not so happy post, so I am going to write everything that is wrong, then finalize it with the most amazing news EVER! So if you want to skip the depressing stuff just read the last paragraph! ;)

Its pretty crazy... I was doing SO good! I haven't taken my Zoloft in a week. I really thought I had this depression thing under control. Not even Nick knew I wasn't taking it anymore. I have been hoping I could stop taking it and then get an IUD and for the first time in YEARS I would be pill free! Wouldn't it be nice not to have to take a minimum of two pills a day? Well, not sucha good idea I guess.

I know that I wasn't a huge Farrah Fawcett fan. And Michael Jackson was a little before my time and a little odd for my taste. But I can appreciate talent. And I think Michael was an amazingly talented man. He earned the King of Pop status! So learning that they both passed away today hit me a lot harder than it should have. I have been holding back tears for hours and the moment Nick and the girls fell asleep I let myself fall apart.

Its not just the death of celebrities that has me crying though. Its everything. Lillian has decided that she will now ignore everything I tell her to do. She is a demon child lately. I just cant take another second of her attitude and I dont know what I can do about it. Delilah happened to catch the cold Lily got last week. She only got the stuffy nose part but it was bad enough that all of the work I put into getting her to nurse went down the drain. It took me 3 1/2 weeks for me to get her to latch on and two days of a stuffy nose for her to completely refuse again. I let her get better and now I am trying again and all she is doing is screaming until she either throws up, poops, or falls asleep. I cant get her to latch on at all.

So if all of this wasnt enough, I have my "dearest" husband. He doesnt get up to help me in the middle of the night and is more concerned with his truck, work, and fishing then to take a moment out of the day to ask how I am holding up. He gets overwhelmed with the girls after just a few minutes but he hasnt realized that I am here ALL day with them. I have to take them with me everywhere I go, including the bathroom, so I dont have the time to feel sympathy for him when he has to handle giving one a bottle and still help the other blow her nose. Maybe again its the lack of anti-depressants, but I just feel like I dont have a choice in taking care of the girls, so I suck it up and do the best I can, so he needs to suck it up and handle it too. Maybe if he had some sympathy and understanding for me i would be able to have some for him...

Its not easy being a stay at home mom. In now way would I trade it for anything though. And I know so many of you do it with more than two. I just dont have a moment of emotional freedom to do anything but be in Mom mode. I think I need a mommy day. An entire day to myself where I dont have to think about what kid needs what and where they are and what they are doing. Its so bad that I opened the door on David (my sisters boyfriend) in the shower because I was looking for Lily, not realizing that it could possibly have been someone else in the bathroom. Dont worry though, we have a black, non see through shower curtain.

So after all of that, I am damn sure that I need to pick up my refill for my Zoloft tomorrow. And I need a nap. I wish I could say that I will stay home and take a break tomorrow, but Nick wants me to go to the DMV for him... With both kids... Oh how I would pay $20 to watch him even attempt to go somewhere alone with them. So thats my plan for tomorrow. Pharmacy then the DMV for however long it will take to pay his registration, then home to pay the rest of the bills.

As for the most amazing new of all... MY NEPHEW WAS BORN TODAY!!!!!
Jacob Axel was born around 10am today! He is about 9 pounds and 20.5 inches long! I cant wait until I can go up and see him! He is a big squishy baby and I want to hug and squeeze him for hours! Congratulations Lindsey, Ralph, Zach, and Luke on your new baby!!!! Auntie Lauren loves you!!

I QUIT

2009-06-16T21:23:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I would like to throw in my hat and scream "I QUIT!!!". Its hard enough to be a mom taking care of two kids, but to have to put up with so many other people just drains me.

Thats it, thanks for listening.

A bit of Delilah Spam

2009-06-16T11:39:00.000-07:00

Three weeks have flown by! I cant believe my baby girl is here, happy, and healthy. Its sad that the pregnancy is over so quickly, but I am so happy that I am NOT pregnant anymore! So here are some recent pictures of my baby girl #2!

Delilah Mae

2009-06-11T16:19:00.000-07:00

I also just realized I never posted about her name.

We had planned for a long time to name our baby Daisy, but after hearing it so many times I just couldnt stand it anymore. On saturday night, the 23rd, Nick and I had a long talk about her name. We decided that we would wait to name her when she was born. We didn't have any names picked, but were tossing around Amelia, Delilah, and a few others, and when she was born and Nick brought her over to see me for the first time while we were still in the OR, we just KNEW her name as Delilah. Then later that night, while in the hospital room, Nick decided her middle name needed to be Mae. It is a perfect name for our little Lilah!!

Long time coming

2009-06-11T16:04:00.001-07:00

I can't believe its been so long since my last post!!

So here is an update.

Delilah Mae Vento

born May 26th 2009

5:49 pm

8lbs 4oz

I went into labor int he middle of the night and after 17 hours she was born by c-section because my labor wasnt progressing and she wasnt dropping thanks to the cord blocking the way.

Things here have been crazy. We are now without a Real Estate Agent and have taken back the offer on the house. There were just too many unanswered questions and it was too difficult with me having the baby. Plus my Dad had had enough of the short sale. So back to square one, start looking again. Its ok though, I wasnt ready to move with the new baby.

As for me, I have been having a difficult time healing from the c-section. It came open after a week and started leaking fluid. It has since been leaking on and off due to a Seroma (a build up of fluid around the incision). Thankfully the incision had opened so I dont need a drainage tube, I just have to be careful that I dont get an infection. I do think that the c-section is easier to heal from than a vaginal birth, but its also a completely different experience. I understand that I need to keep it easy a lot longer, and when I feel good I tend to over do it, then I am in more pain then I should be. I am just thankful that Lilah is my last kid, so I dont have to worry about dealing with birth ever again. (of course, unless I accidentally get pregnant, because I know that is possible too)

Well the girls are going to wake up any minute so thats it for now, but I will post more pictures soon!

39 Weeks

2009-05-24T09:58:00.000-07:00

Daisy Fae is due to be born in 7 days. Exactly one week from today. I just can't explain how excited I am to meet her and hold her and love her just like I did with Lillian. I am hopeful that the next few days are relaxing and fufilling and that she comes into a calm environment. And while I am on the topic, today is a pretty boring day, and we have no plans for tomorrow, so I think its a great day to have a baby. Lets all pray that she decided to come sooner than later!

2009-05-22T15:59:00.000-07:00

As of today I am 9 days away from my due date. You know what? THIS SUCKS. I am trying everything I can to have this little girl some out. PLEASE send me labor vibes!! I need them at this point. And pray that I dont go overdue. I cant imagine being pregnant longer than my due date. THANKS!

Mothers Day

2009-05-09T12:21:00.000-07:00

I was wondering what mothers day was supposed to be about so I did some research. Did you know that the woman who initially CREATED the holiday two years after her own mothers death ended up using every penny she had protesting it? Her name was Anna Jarvis, and her goal in creating the holiday was to honor her mother. In 1914 it was recognized as a national day for mothers. Then by the 1920s she was protesting. She said that buying printed cards was LAZY, and that giving your mother a card and candy was exactly what she DIDN'T want. Ms. Jarvis died in poverty fighting the commercialization of Mothers Day. So from now on, I will make a point to never buy another mothers day card, without at least writing a personalized letter in it.

Happy Mothers Day everyone!

Dad's birthday at Disneyland

2009-05-04T16:02:00.000-07:00

My dad turned 62 yesterday. It looks old when I type it, but he is still pretty anm young. We had a lot of fun and I have LOADS of pictures to share! As for how I did at Disneyland? Not so good. By 5pm, I was having PAINFUL contractions, my hips felt like they were out of place and each time Daisy moved i felt as if she was trying to tear off a piece of my insides. I also had a pregnancy brain moment and forgot to put on sunscreen, so I have a wicked burn on my chest.

Life from a 3 year old.

2009-04-24T18:53:00.000-07:00

Have you ever asked a three year old where babies come from? Or how they are born? Or even who their doctor is? Here is proof that even though she is preoccupied with moon sand, barbies, princesses, or baby dolls, your children really are sponges, and they really do soak in everything around them.

Lillian's answers to life's questions:
Q: How do babies get in the mommies belly?
A: The doctor puts them there.
Moms explanation- When I took my first pregnancy test, i was extremely early, so I told her I had to go to the doctors to see if there was a baby in there. Well there was, so she assumes that it was the doctors fault. Thanks Dr. Le, but I would rather have my husbands baby!

Q: How are they born?
A: The mommy poops them out into the toilet, the chord breaks, sometimes they fall on the floor, and the doctor picks them up.
Moms Explanation- As Lily was in her room Nick and I were in ours watching I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant. She was running back and forth between rooms, and apparently watched the one about the woman who gave birth while camping in the camp bathroom. But to clear it up, we took her to my last appointment, and the doctor said "Well, YES, sometimes the babies ARE born in the toilet, and we have to take them out"

Q: Who is your doctor?
A: Dr. G!!!
Moms explanation- Again, thanks to Discovery Health and a commercial, Lillian believes that Dr. G, Medical Examiner is her doctor. And for the record, Dr. G is a doctor who has a show about performing autopsies...

So, for a warning, be careful what your kids see and hear, even for a second.

Love who you love

2009-04-22T18:31:00.000-07:00

Since when do Miley Cyrus, Heidi Montag, and Britney Spears have opinions that I should care about? And since when are they the smart opinions over someone else. Miss California really screwed up didn't she? Yes, I am a Celebrity Gossip whore and I read every bit I can get my hands on, but its not like it really matters. Its like reading a trashy romance novel, you know that its not REAL life, but they are still fun to read.

So anyways, the whole Miss USA pageant has me cracking up. I dont care what Miss USA believes, I really dont. I dont have the same definition of Marriage that most people do, so I cant make anyone believe what I do. Its OK. What REALLY gets me was not only did she have a closed minded answer, but she couldn't even spit out a sentence that made sense! This is HILARIOUS

"We live in a land where you can choose same-sex marriage or opposite. And you know what, I think in my country, in my family, I think that I believe that a marriage should be between a man and a woman. No offense to anybody out there, but that's how I was raised."

First off, we DONT live in a land where you can chose gay or "opposite" marriage. And um, is that what I should call nick? My opposite sex relationship? Oh and um, which country is yours? And how can you say that your FAMILY thinks the same way when you mom and sister are gay rights activists? That's how you were raised by who? Um... No... lol I guess its true that blondes from California aren't the smartest. And yes I can say that because I AM a blonde from CALI!!

Motherhood means you never pee alone.

2009-04-21T14:36:00.000-07:00

They say that motherhood means you will never pee alone again. That is SO true! And when you are pregnant with #2, it means that you pee about every HOUR and during so your 3 year old decided that you are not allowed to do so with the door closed. Its like she thinks that I am going to be doing something super awesome and hiding it from her.

Today was a bit rough for me. During pregnancy I find myself in need of support from women who understand. So I join a message board with women who are due at the same time as me. They are my rock at this point, since it seems that some people dont understand what it takes to be supportive during pregnancy. ::Cough NICK Cough::. Well today I woke up to find that a baby that was born only 17 days ago lost his fight with CDH. Its a little hard because I followed Kristi's story from the beggining and I really thought Kaden would pull through. Its a sad day for that reason. Then I also find that baby Stellan is in surgery for his little heart. I know that many of you follow MckMamas blog, so you understand. Its like online there is this comradary that you cant find in real life because you never come across that many women who are in the same place as you at the same time.

Anyways, I know that everything that I have mentioned is online, but it still happens and its sad. As for my REAL life, I am a frustrated mess. Its SUPER hot so Lily isnt too excited to play outside and she is just going nuts being stuck in the house. I am only about 5/6 weeks away from giving birth, and I am SO ready. My body is tired and my emotions are out of control. I am so angry all of the time. Things should get a little better soon, because tomorrow Nick takes his inspection test. Tomorrow is the day that decides if Nick gets a promotion and a fat raise. That will answer a lot of questions, and will calm a lot of things down. I just want things to be calm for now and they seem to get more and more crazy as the days go by.

We still havent heard about the house on Candlelight. I know that we are the only offer and the status has changed to Pending Sale while they go over everything. I am just impatient since they have had the papers for a week now and still have not replied. I am nervous that if we get this house then we will get the keys right before I have Daisy, and then I am going to have to move everything with a newborn baby. I cant imagine how hard that is going to be. Just the thought of packing NOW is hard on me.

VENT

2009-04-09T15:26:00.000-07:00

I have been trying not to post a lot lately. I just dont think I can without letting out a vent here and there. I know that in pregnancy, your hormones are off the charts, so its normal to be frustrated, but why doesnt anyone else seem to know this? Even my HUSBAND seems to forget that I am not the same emotionally right now. That I too have an active 3 year old, and I am home with her ALL day. Lily has become a whining, crying, arguing, rude kid. Of course she is still my cute sweet little girl, but at times I just want to beat her. Its ok though because when I do get overwhelmed I just take a moment to myself and come back more calm.

So the problems is that when I need Nick to be the calm level headed one, he ends up FLIPPING OUT. If I get frustrated his frustration quadruples. He has NO patience for me or Lily. I just dont know what to do anymore. He complains about helping me, but then denies he is complaining. He makes me feel guilty for being pregnant and unable to do all of the things I usually do, but I CANT DO IT. Bending over to give Lily a bath is PAINFUL, giving Moose a bath is out of the question, cleaning is hard, and there is NO way I can rearrange the bedroom.

I just need help, and I need someone to be supportive, and understand how hard this is.

Ch-ch-ch-ch-CHANGES

2009-04-06T13:28:00.000-07:00

I never had a 5 year or 10 year plan. I just always hoped that by 30 I would be married with a family and a home. As I slowly creep to 25, I was thinking that just maybe I would get there by 35. I know that I have my husband, and my kids, but the thought of a home was far fetched.

Then I found out my Dad was going to help us! But I was still thinking that we were just kids acting like adults. That we werent really "grown ups". That we were destined to be stuck forever as 19 year olds who will never be taken seriously. Yes, he was going to help us get a house, but we still wouldnt have to grow up. Now I feel like things have changed.

On Saturday we put in an offer on the perfect house. Its in the New Haven housing track, in what some would call Indian/Jurupa Hills. Basically, behind the Kmart. Its such a nice neighborhood, and kids still walk to the park. We know thats the area we will end up, just not which house yet. Well the house we saw is amazing and we really hope that we will get it!! I know that its a long shot and the bank may be playing games, so I am not putting all of my faith into this house, but I am still hopeful.

Then when we got home Nick and I started talking. My truck was about to die, and we knew it. It is really old and there was 100 things about to go wrong. Needing new brakes, it was shaking again, the alignment was going again, and I could tell the front axle was about to break, AGAIN. So we decided it was time to get rid of it. We went down to the dealership, and 3 hours later, we bought our first car. A 2003 Dodge Durango that is in great condition. I am so excited.

I just cant believe how in one weekend I feel like I have grown up a bit.

Now if only we could move out ASAP. Oh, and lily and I werent sick. That would help.

One big weekend

2009-03-22T19:40:00.000-07:00

I have had a few people say to me that I need to come visit them more often. I know that I dont get out much, but wow, I didnt realize it was that bad! Anyways, I dont have a car during the week and the weekends Nick and I spend together because we never get alone time at home. So lets make a deal ok? How about we make it 50/50, you come see us, we come see you! That way its fair, I mean, I AM 30 weeks pregnant and have a 3 year old, day trips are a little more difficult than they used to be.

And Riane, you dont count because Nebraska is kind of far, and I have 1/2 the amount of kids you do! See you next 4th of July!! (no not THIS July, NEXT july!!)

Everything else is great! We got a wonderful date day today. Lily spent the afternoon with Grandma Lady and we saw a grown up movie. That doesnt happen often. Tomorrow we submit the paperwork for the loan and then wait for the preapproval! After that its no holding back until we get our house! Just a matter of time now! I cant believe we are about to get our first home. I thought this would be years away. As for days, we are at the 30 week mark! (Out of 40 that is). It seems like time is flying and I just cant get everything together in time. Hopefully the last few weeks slow down so I can be prepared for little Daisy's arrival!

How have you ladies been?

Huntington Beach

2009-03-22T09:58:00.000-07:00

Yesterday we decided we needed to do something FUN that we hadnt done in a long time. So we went to the beach! It was Rediculously COLD but Lily had tons of fun playing in the sand and putting her toes in the water!

Homebody

2009-03-19T16:41:00.001-07:00

I guess thats what you can call me now. I never leave this house. In fact I have not gone anywhere since last Sunday. I have not been outside the gate since then. I dont know why I have such a hard time leaving the house. I guess it has something to do with the fact that every time I do I get looks and comments about how big I am getting, or if I am eating something how I need to be careful. How I shouldnt be having caffine, or how I look like I am going to pop. Well for the strangers information, I am NOT! I still have 8-10 weeks before this girl makes her debut and I havent even gained wieght, I am 10lbs lighter than when I GOT pregnant, so kiss my ass! Oh, and that maternity clothes dont really fit me right.
So tomorrow I think I am going to get some hair dye, a new outfit, and a bra that doesnt make me look like a mom, and I am going to get the heck out of this house. Probably not for long because I don't have much energy, but I am getting OUT anyways. I also could use a babysitter and a night out. I dont want to go to a bar, because that wouldnt be fun, but just to do something that doesnt require taking a 3year old to the bathroom every couple hours would be nice. Maybe I can pawn her off on family for a day. And I am NOT talking about 2 hours, because that isnt a break. We'll see.

Thursday

2009-03-18T22:04:00.000-07:00

Today- think happy thoughts!

May she rest in peace.

2009-03-18T18:36:00.001-07:00

I am super sad about Natasha Richardson passing away. I loved her in Parent Trap and Nell. Please keep her family in your prayers. Her young boys and husband are going to need it.

Recently it seems like I have read and heard about SO many women passing away and leaving behind young families. I dont understand it, and I cant ask God why, but I just hope for strength for each of these families, and hope they all remember their loved ones are still looking down upon them with love.

Zipping My Lips

2009-03-16T15:07:00.001-07:00

Why is it so easy for so many to throw their hands up in the air and let things go? To give up all forms of control, and still hope for the best? I seem to have a big problem doing this. It has to do with being let down may times before, and I know that, but there has to be a point where you can forget what happened before and let it go.

The baby shower is coming up really fast. It was my idea to have one for my sister and I together, but my little sisters idea to throw one for me. I wanted to do one for Lindsey, but since we are so close together in due dates we just combined it. Now Jessie is mad at me for not letting her take over the planning. I guess I am a control freak or something. Its just that with the past baby shower situation, bridal shower, and bachelorette parites I seems to have this fear of letting go because when I do, its nothing like I would have done and nothing that has to do with me but whomever is throwing it. When I throw parties for people I go ALL OUT. I do everything I can to make it exactly what they want, so I am a bit disapointed already that its not done the same for me. Sound selfish? I guess it is a bit. So thats why I have grabbed on and not let this go. I have the desire to make everything perfect. Not only is this a party "for" me, but its one that my friends and family will be at that represents me, so I want it to be amazing. Thats why I keep trying to get the best done, but at the expense of making everyone around me pissed off. I just dont get that if the party is FOR ME, then why do I have to stay out of it? They dont do things that I want, and I am not allowed to do anything myself. Hmm, sound familiar? I guess I am happy that this is my one and only baby shower. I wouldnt want to go through this again. I am just not the type of person that likes having this planned for me.

So here I go, I am going to throw my hands up, not say another thing, and let my little sister do whatever she wants. I am not going to ask, and I am going to show up and not say anything. I am going to trust that this will be awesome.

Random Thoughts

2009-03-05T20:27:00.001-08:00

So I am completely out of my Zoloft and have been for a few days, but not only that, I am out of all caffeine!! I wouldnt make a cup of coffee because that has much more than I need, and my intestines DONT like coffee, but seriously, no one should go without both for a whole week! I want to bite the head off of anyone that LOOKS at me.

I am watching American Idol, and although I cheat and read the spoilers and know who they pick, I still like to watch, and hear them.

Lily learned to gargle... Its was SO cute at first and now its SO annoying...

My dad is going out looking at houses tomorrow. He knows that I cant sit in the car for that long, so he is going to take a drive and pick a few to look at on the inside! Plus he gets a chance to be without us kids for a while, and he doesnt get that much unless he is at work.

My dog is driving me up the wall. He wont leave me alone. Always has to be touching me somehow, but would prefer my lap. I cant stand it right now and want to kick him across the room.

Baby shower is three weeks away, and I am super excited! I hate playing the games so we are planning FUN games, and they will bring on the laughs! No baby bingo here!

My daughter slept in her bed until 5am this morning! How freakin awesome is that!?!?!? We are going for 6 tonight! Wish us luck!

So the word of the day is Annoying. The word of the day tomorrow will be RELAXING! Because I will have my zoloft and a HUGE pepsi!! :) I can't wait!

SO MUCH GOOD NEWS!

2009-03-04T18:29:00.000-08:00

So the big news is that we will be getting a home of our own soon! Turns out that my Dad got a pretty hefty raise and plans on buying a second house and that he wants Nick and I to have it! So we are currently looking for a home! I cant believe how lucky we are!

Also, Nick set up the crib. I didn't realize how HUGE it was! Its taking up more room than Lily's twin bed. I just dont see how a little bitty baby needs SO much room. But its exciting to see things coming together for Daisy.

I am officially in my third trimester, which scares the crap out of me. Not knowing when we will be moving, and that a new baby will be here as soon as a two and a half months is nerve wrecking. As for me, this pregnancy is SO much different than Lily. I am a bit uncomfortable right now. It seems that as she grows, instead of popping out she is spreading up and down. Makes me feel like I have a bowling ball in my pelvis, and every time I have a braxton hicks contraction I feel like there is too much pressure on my lungs and I cant breathe. I really hope she pops out soon. Not all the way out, but out of my pelvis!

We are also having a baby shower on March 28th for me and my sister Lindsey, who is due July 1st. Its not going to be anything bug, but just a fun day for family and friends. Plus, we might as well have one together since we always seem to be pregnant together! lol

Lily is doing great. She is starting to sleep in her own bed, which is AMAZING. She is in there right now napping. She usually starts the night in there but sometime after midnight crawls into bed with Nick and I. I can handle that for now, but there isnt much room left in our itty bitty queen bed, and its not going to last for long. She needs to sleep in her room all night.

Last night she had her first bad nightmare. Something about a snake and she literally jumped on me and wrapper her arms around my head and her feet around my shoulders. I feel really bad for her. She was SO scared. I wish I knew how to get rid of these nightmares.

Anyways, she's up and I am having another BH, so thats it for now. TTFN!

STOKED

2009-02-21T11:18:00.001-08:00

I just found out the most amazing news ever!! I dont think its time to share yet, but I am bursting with excitement!! Lets just say Nick and I might be in ur own place soon!

What I've got!

2009-02-18T14:02:00.000-08:00

OUR ROOM IS CLEAN!

If you knew what slobs Nick and I are you would understand why this is SO exciting!! Since I was so sick for so long there was just no cleaning done at all. Next is on to the bathroom and Lillians room. I would love to get the crib in there soon. I also am looking forward to getting rid of a bunch of toys and stuff she doesnt use or play with anymore. Like her millions of princess dresses that dont fit her anymore. That way I have room for Daisy's stuff. Plus I cant wait to take it all out of the boxes.

As for Valentines Day, we didnt do much of anything. As for gifts, I gave Nick and new watch and a three set of Jason movies. I dont get the horror movie thing, but he loves them. Nick bought me a new ring, which is BEAUTIFUL. Its a 1 1/2 ct white topaz and diamonds. I should be mad that he spent that kind of money, but its so pretty that I cant be. So sparkly too! He also got me a new umbrella stroller for Lily because the other one we had was a cheap $20 one that I had to bend to push. So now I will have a nice and easy stroller to use at disneyland until of course Daisy comes and its on to a HUGE double stroller! Which I also have now too! I am SO excited! I guess I can post pictures of everything now too, so here they are!

My beautiful ring!

Lillian's new stroller for disneyland

And the other stuff we have now!!

4 days of HELL

2009-02-14T17:59:00.000-08:00

On Friday, February 6th 2009, at about 8:00pm, I went to the Emergency Room with complaints of Asthma not responding to medication after my personal doctor diagnosed me with Pneumonia. I was taken to a room immediately and given a nebulizer treatment. After which I was sent to have a chest x-ray done, after my personal doctor had chosen not to do one because of my pregnancy. All of which I know is standard procedures for my chief complaints. I was then sent for a ventilation-perfusion scan. This scan is necessary to diagnose a PE, but the radiation is NOT recommended during pregnancy. I was taken to the scan and the technician only did the perfusion part. Because I was having breathing problems, I was told that the ventilation part would come out false so it wouldn’t be done to avoid unnecessary radiation exposure to the baby. I was then told by the doctor in the ER that the V-Q test came back positive and they had to start me on Lovenox injections immediately or I would be at a very high risk of death. I was not given another nebulizer treatment, nor was I given oxygen for 10 hours, although my O2 levels were around 91% and I was complaining of severe tightness in my chest and difficulty breathing due to asthma.
I was admitted in the early hours of Saturday morning. On Saturday I was sent for a Doppler ultrasound on my legs, which came back normal. I also had an echocardiogram, which was normal too. On Saturday I was given the abdominal injections of Lovenox and was taken off of my antibiotics. I was also visited by three different doctors, all of which reviewed my chart and could not answer if I even had a PE or not. I was told that one doctor put my risk at high and another said intermediate, and possibly low. I was told numerous times of the fatality rate, and the necessity of treatment.
Sunday afternoon I was finally sent for the second half of the V-Q scan, which also came back negative for PE. My baby’s heart rate was not checked once the entire time I was hospitalized, and was only looked at once, during an OB ultrasound on Sunday evening, two days after I arrived. Again, I was given more injections of Lovenox, which by that time had left large bruises across my abdomen. The pneumonia that my doctor diagnosed me with was never again checked or treated.
Monday I was visited again by a pulmonologist who informed me that he did NOT believe that I had a pulmonary embolism and requested that I have a CT scan. After the radiation from the VQ scan, I did NOT want to submit my baby to more radiation, but was told if I did not then I would have to continue the injections for the next 6-12 months and stay in the hospital for another 2 to 3 days. It was a very difficult decision for my husband and I, but the fear that was placed on me made the decision, and the CT scan was done on Monday night.
Tuesday morning I was visited by both the pulmonary doctor, and the doctor who I had seen since I was admitted, both whom informed me that all of the scans had come back negative for a PE but positive for pneumonia, which was what I was told was wrong from the beginning. I was even told that the pneumonia was visible on the original x-ray but disregarded. Of course, thanks to my doctor I already KNEW I had pneumonia and that I hadnt been treating it at all in the past 4 days, and was placed on medication that would prevent me from getting better, so I was sent home, and was finally able to take care of the infection that was wreaking havoc on my lungs.

I'm BAAAACK

2009-02-14T09:55:00.000-08:00

I guess I have a lot to update here! HAHA.

First off, I did just spend 4 days in the hospital. I went in on Friday night because my asthma was just completely out of control. When I got there the doctor, who had NO regards for personal space, decided that it wasnt pneumonia, it was a pulminary embolus. I then spent until Tuesday getting injections of blood thinners into my belly and not being allowed to walk or even shower while I was poked prodded and scanned to prove I had a blood clot. Turns out, it was pnumonia! Who would have thought? Oh yeah, MY DOCTOR!

I am a litle bitter about it now because it was seriously the hardest 4 days of my life. I had to be away from my daughter, who is NOT used to being away from me for more thana day. And on top of it all, I was told over and over that I was at a super high risk of dying. I layed there thinking about what would happen and what needed to be done if I died. What kind of crap is that? I am pregnant, and DO NOT need to be thinking of "If I die, will the baby still make it? Who will watch Lily? Will Nick be OK as a single father?". I just cant believe that so many doctors stood by and gave me little hope unless I agreed to continue injecting myself with blood thinners twice a day. The alternative was undergoing numerous scans that would expose the baby to radiation. Anyways, it was pnumonia, and now I am home and healthy.

Also, yesterday I recieved the most awesome delievery! I got the double stroller, infant carseat, pack and play, and crib bedding!! Its all so exciting! I feel like i am finally getting ready for little Daisy to shop up. Ok not FULLY ready, but a little. I just cant believe I am 25 weeks pregnant already! This pregnancy is flying by! Well I say that NOW, sometimes it takes forever.

Thats it for now, but I will post a more in depth explintion of my hospital stay later.

Getting a little better

2009-02-06T09:12:00.000-08:00

I made it through the night! That was pretty rough for me, and Nick. He kept waking me up every few hours to check if I was OK. It was nice because I would be able to do a treatment in the middle of the night. I did have a few panic attacks thinking I needed to go to the ER, but I held strong and woke up a little better than when I fell asleep. Not MUCH better but I am able to breathe a little easier.

I guess I am a bit sicker than I originally thought. The last time it was even NEAR this bad was the weekend I fell head over heels for Nick. I was so sick I couldn't get out of bed and my whole family was out of town, and he stayed by my side every second. We had been together for a few months, and I already knew he was the most amazing man ever, but the way he held me and let me cry was amazing.

THIS TIME its a bit different! LOL. He has to work, I am a stay at home mom, and I am hormonal and pregnant! Not as romantically sweet.

My wonderful symptoms include body chills, body pains (these are the WORST PART aside from not being able to breathe), tightness in my chest, a hacking cough, seriously labored breathing, a killer migraine (might just be a pregnancy thing, but who knows), and I cant help but throw up every time I cough. Oh how I wish I had this treated weeks ago!

I am tired of having Asthma, and I am tired of it interfering with my wonderful pregnancy. I think back to when I was pregnant with Lillian, and I was just SO depressed that I couldn't enjoy it at all. Now that I am NOT depressed, I am stricken with the worst illness for someone with asthma. How ironic huh? Morning sickness, Migraines, Asthma, and now Pneumonia. But you know what? I would take being sick over depressed ANY DAY!

I am SO excited! Our tax return came today, and I am going to start buying a few things for little Daisy! First thing is the double stroller and crib bedding. They are #1 on my list!! Hooray!

Sick AGAIN

2009-02-05T12:14:00.001-08:00

For the past few weeks I have been feeling pretty crappy. My asthma was kinda bad, and I knew that there was something going on. I decided last night to head to urgent care. When I got there I found that my O2 was at 95, which is pretty low for me. They gave me a treatment and a shot of prednisone and sent me home. Right before bed my asthma seemed to be getting worse again, so I knew there was something else wrong. I called the doctor this morning and they got me in right away. It turns out that I have bronchitis in my left lung and walking pneumonia in my right. He prescribed me some antibiotics and prednisone and sent me home saying that if by early next week I am not getting better I will have to head to the hospital.

I am just pretty upset, because just a couple weeks ago I knew that my asthma was out of control and that I needed the steroids but they wouldn't let me have it because there are unknown effects on the baby. I am annoyed because I am sure that pneumonia is much harder on her than a small dose of steroids.

Now I am doing treatments ever couple hours in hope to get some relief but its not working. I have to wait for someone to get home so I can get my medication and start feeling better soon. If by tomorrow night I am not feeling any improvement I will be hitting up the ER.

Please wish me a quick recovery!

Her Name

2009-02-05T12:05:00.001-08:00

So after much consideration and going over so many names we have come to the decision that our little girl will be named Daisy Fae Vento.

Daisy meaning Day's Eye, and represents a beautiful flower, and Fae meaning fairy in french. And if you know me those are my two favorite things ever!

It seems to fit her perfectly already!

So introducing:

DAISY FAE VENTO!

And congratulations to my sister Lindsey and Brother-In-Law Ralph on their new baby boy! We can't wait to meet little Jacob Axel!

Disneyland

2009-02-02T09:19:00.000-08:00

Lillian rode her FIRST rollercoster! This was a GOOD face! She LOVED it! She is growing up SO fast!

Bedding

2009-01-31T19:34:00.001-08:00

We chose our bedding! This is a big deal for me, because I am horrible at actually making decisions, but here it is!!

We are going to purchase it from Amazon. Both Nick and I love it.

If you want to see everything that we are getting with it, here is the link.

http://www.amazon.com/gp/registry/wishlist/25D0T0IGJXB6H

Annoyed

2009-01-31T14:31:00.000-08:00

So I know that you all have heard of the women here in Southern California that just had 8 babies? Well I have SO many opinions on how unethical it was of her and her doctors, but its not my job to say she cant have 14 kids. If I could afford, and mentally handle 14 kids, I would too!!

Anyways, I am so frustrated when everyone assumes she is on governmant assistance. The fact is, she isnt, she paid for it all herself, but the source of the money isnt known yet. Nor is the source of the money she has to pay all of her schooling. What HAS been said is that she loves her children more than anything and wanted a large family. Her mother has said that she had a few embryos left, and instead of allowing the clinic to dispose of them, she chose to have the babies. Also, refusing selective reduction when a few of the embryos split. I just hope that everyone is happy and healthy, and hopefully this women doesnt have to resort to government assistance... In the words of Chris Crocker "LEAVE BRITNEY ALONE!" or whatever her name is....

On a lighter note, the babies were born in the same hospital as Nick. I thought that was funny.

The aches and pains

2009-01-28T20:55:00.000-08:00

I want to start this post off saying that this pregnancy has been a blessing. I know very well how lucky I am, and in no way am I ungrateful, but there comes a time when you just need to VENT. When I was pregnant before I had severe depression and didnt really get to ENJOY being pregnant. I am trying to take FULL advantage of it this time though. So please take the following blog with a grain of salt. I really do physically feel like CRAP, but thats OK, because its only for a short while, and when it goes away I will get a baby out of it all! So here is how I have been feeling lately.

I thought that it was said that the second trimester was the "honeymoon" trimester? Yeah, NO WAY! I know I have posted a few times about my headaches, well I thought that getting glasses would help. They didnt. I have been getting headaches every day. Actually I think it is the same headache, just coming in spurts. I take Tylenol 3's and they just make me sick, and of course throwing up makes my headaches WORSE. I wish I knew what was causing them. I think I need a new bed and pillow. Maybe that will help, I know it will get rid of the body aches. Oh and a humidifier.

Also, back with a vengence is my morning sickness. Every day. I dont know how I am going to NOT lose weight when I cant keep anything down. Hopefully soon I will get a permenant vacation from it all.

And last but NOT least is my fatigue. I could give sleeping beauty a run for her money.. Well not in the beauty part, but definatly in the sleeping. I am lucky if I get out of bed during the day.

I do think that it all stems back to the fact that I am sleeping HORRIBLY. I really need to get a firm, supportive matteress. I found some great ones on Overstock.com. I think I will order a memory foam one when our tax return comes in!! That is, if Nick doesnt spend it all on his truck.
As for the baby, she is active as ever! Its so fun to feel her wiggle around. Of course she thinks its funny to kick RIGHT when I am falling asleep, but its nice to know she is doing good in there.

Thats it for now. I will post something more positive later!

Whats in a NAME?

2009-01-24T19:48:00.000-08:00

Ok, so I know I wrote that whole blog, and maybe even a few of you read it. Annie, I love the idea of pulling names out of a hat. Nick and I have come to a decision, and it wasnt easy and I cried and he yelled and we did the silent treatment for a while, but its done. That was like pulling TEETH! But our baby girl has a name that we LOVE. I am not quite ready to share it, because whenever I do that, it seems that the reactions I get are not what I am looking for and it sways me. So here is the deal, I have a name, and I love it, and I WILL share it, just not until I am ready.

So for now, she is named, and its a beautiful name, and you will all get to know soon!

K thnx bye! ♥

25 random fact

2009-01-23T12:16:00.000-08:00

Alright Annie I am going to try this out. 25 facts about ME!

1. I am terrified of the dark. Like, it makes me want to cry! I always have been. I think of the most terrible things that can happen when you cant see.

2. I love to get wrapped up in cheesy dirty romance novels. They give me butterflies in my stomach. I can lock myself in a room and read an entire book in 24 hours!

3. I watch baby shows on cable every moment I get.

4. My dream house is a dilapidated old empty house around the corner from where we live. Everyone laughs at me but I can just see my family growing up there, and what the house CAN be.

5. I met my husband on the Internet on a site called hot or not, after we both as teenagers posted pictures, would would have thought that superficial judging of appearances would lead to marriage!? HAHA

6. My dream car is a Bentley Continental Flying Spur, but I would settle for a Chrysler 300!!

7. I can't get enough tattoos. I love them, and think they are beautiful.

8. I have a secret crush on Kevin Federline. He is so white trash, but I love it!

9. I have three great friends, and the three of them are so different, but each are a little bit like me. Shawntel is my sister, Riane my evil twin, and Allison is my mentor. They keep me sane.

10. When I got pregnant I was terrified that it might be twins.

11. I have had asthma since I was a baby and it rules my life. Its hard to live your life wondering if you will be able to breathe or not, and if you have enough medication to make it until the next time you can get a refill.

12. I fractured my ankle last April on a playground. It sucked.

13. I feel like I have an inner bro-hoe wanting to bust out, but I am smart and control it!

14. My best friend is my three year old daughter.

15. I am the third of four sisters, and cant imagine what it would be like to NOT have sisters.

16. I cant stand John and Kate Plus 8. I think its odd that they would let the world watch them argue so much. I wouldn't want to share anything but the good times.

17. I cant stand democrats or republicans, and think political parties are the reason the country is such crap. Murderers need to die, women have the right to chose (BEFORE 13 weeks!), I want to keep my gun, and I think gay people should be 100% equal. And I think that if someone knew about a plan to hurt MY family, I would torture them until they broke, and there is NOTHING wrong with that.

18. I have been to over a dozen different churches trying to define my faith but have finally realized that my faith is more about the unknown, than about what men wrote in a book.

19. I think that the creator of Spinach Artichoke dip is a genius!

20. I have a huge desire to adopt, or be a foster parent. I dont know if it will happen, but one day I hope I can give love to children who need it.

21. My dream job is a respiratory therapist, and when my kids are older i will pursue it!

22. I am done having kids. Two is enough.

23. I hate going to the bathroom.

24. I have super sensitive teeth and cannot bite anything cold.

25. An um.. I have the same birthmark as my mom and aunt. Isn't that weird?

Picture That...

2009-01-20T19:28:00.000-08:00

Today was so nice. I had a doctors appointment, and I told the nurse about or horror ultrasound and she made sure to let the doctor know. When he came in the room he asked what happened and asked who the woman was and what she looked like. He was pretty angry. He said he would take care of it for us, then he asked us to switch rooms. He took us into his exam room and did an ultrasound of his own! YAY! He said that our baby girl is PERFECT, and gave us two pictures. I cant believe how many times I am got to see her this weekend. And as for her being a girl, there is no doubt at all! She is all girl. So here are a few pictures to share!

The first picture is from today at the doctors. This is a profile shot.

This is our baby last friday at Fetal Focus, in the Galaria at Tyler. She was facing the front.

And THESE are the pictures from our ultrasound Friday morning. I like to call these Demon Baby. Of course, I think my baby is perfect, but these pictures are pretty interesting to say the least. I am so thankful that my doctor understood my desire for something else. (Of course he didnt know about my private ultrasound, I thought I would keep that to myself)

And for a LilyPad update... She got her stitches out and the scab is gone. Here is a picture of her chin now.

And last but not least, Lillian being herself!

Ultrasounds

2009-01-17T12:43:00.001-08:00

I cant believe yesterday is over! It was seriously the LONGEST day of my life!

First it started with my 20 week anatomy scan. I guess the baby was in a very playful mood and didnt want to sit still. The ultrasound tech was pretty upset about it too. She kept getting mad and complaining about the baby, saying that it was making her wrist hurt to have to try and get the measurments. When it came to getting pictures for Nick and I she gave us a picture of the baby yawning, which was really just creepy and not cute or cool at all. When it came to the gender she didnt even TRY. She said that it was hidden behind my belly button, shut of the machine and that was it. I was SO angry. I wanted so badly to see my baby and she didnt even give us a chance. We even had Lily there to see the baby and the woman didnt care. She was done. I plan on letting my doctor know how dissapointed we were in the whole situation.

After that appointment we had one for Lily. It was to check her stitches out, and see when they would be ready to remove. Well they werent 100% ready, but the ER doctor was in such a rush that he did two of them too tight. Within 5 days they had already started to grow into the skin. Lillian's pediatrician thought it would be best to just take them out and let it heal as it was. I also found out that Lillian should have been put on antibiotics, but they must have forgot about that too. So now she has a special bandaid on that we leave until it comes off its self. She is super happy to be able to splash and play in the bath again! (And she smells better too!)

After all of that wonderful mess, we decided to hit up the mall ultrasound place again. I had already had TWO ultrasounds where they refused to tell us the gender, and I wasnt going to let the day end without someone telling us! I know that I already KNEW the gender, but Nick and I were the only ones who saw before, we never had a tech tell us that it was IN FACT a girl. I just wanted so badly to hear the words "ITS A GRIL" that I was desperate. When we got there we explained to the tech what had happened, and she was SHOCKED. She had no problems with the baby at all! She also finally told us that the baby was 100% girl! There was no hiding it! She was SO amazing and gave us a great picture. She also saved one so when we go back at 24 weeks we get a gender picture, a baby book certificate saying its a girl, and gender confirmation, along with another peek at the munchkin inside me!

So that was my day! OH and to top it off, I have THE WORST cold EVER! I feel HORRIBLE today. I am looking forward to snuggling on the couch and not doing anything this weekend until I feel better!

Nick and I started our registry too! I feel odd thinking about a regisrty, but we have NOTHING really left from when Lily was a baby. Most of the stuff we had we didnt use and didnt have room to store when we moved so we sold it. There was also plenty of stuff that didnt last through the abuse (like the pack n play!). Or it was borrowed and we had to give it back, like 85% of the clothing. So we are keeping track of everyhing we need on a registry and will start buying things little by little. Thankfully we already have the crib! LOL, that is one of the few things that made it!

But all in all, I am just happy to have another healthy baby girl!

Geez, I forgot how much stuff a baby needs!

Lily's Stitches

2009-01-14T14:33:00.000-08:00

So if you read my "Not Me! Monday" post, you know that Lillian go t stitches on Sunday night. Here is the story...We were looking for the remote in the couch cushions, and took one off. Well our couch has a hide-away bed in it. Lily thought it would be fun to jump from the remaining cushion onto the bed, which is like a trampoline. I was in the kitchen at the moment and Nick was looking around the living room when it happened. Lily jumped, then FLEW. She went over the arm of the couch and face first into the side table. Then of course went to the floor. All I saw from the kitchen was feet in the air, Nick flying over the table, and then blood. I grabbed a wet paper towel hoping that it was just a little cut, and I got it on so fast that I never saw the actual cut. When I took it off to see, Nick and I both just looked at eachother and knew we had to get to the hospital. Nick had Lily and I grabbed my purse, key and shoes. Of course Nick being the awesome Daddy he is, asked if he could drive. I got a wash cloth off the counter, held it on her chin and off we went. We got to the hospital, and were in triage in only 15 minutes! Also, we got pressure on it so fast that the bleeding was minimal. Lily didnt lose much at all!!

The doctors and nurses came in and wrapped Lily up like a burrito so she couldnt move and we held her down as she got 6 stitches. We were home within an hour of her even cutting her chin.

Here is HER version of the story!

And a picture of the stitches.

"Not Me! Monday"

2009-01-12T10:31:00.000-08:00

Another "Not Me! Monday" brought to you buy McMama, just click on the image to visit her blog! First off I have to say that last night I did NOT say "Its a full moon, and you never know what happens on a full moon!" Then I did NOT proceed to eat my words and we drove our 3 year old to the hospital. Lillian did NOT jump on the couch last night and fly over the arm rest and bust her chin open. I would NEVER let her jump on the couch! She could get hurt! My baby girl did NOT get 6 stitches in her chin, nope, not Lily. While my daughter was NOT getting stitches, I didn't proceed to crack jokes to lighten the mood for not only Lily but her Daddy who cant stand seeing his baby girl hurt. I would never joke at a time like that. I didn't admire the way the nurse wrapped her up, and get the thought that I should try that when I brush her hair. I would never think of strapping her down to brush her hair! And of course I did NOT say it out loud! Then I did NOT proceed to lay in bed at 4 in the morning, thinking of ways I could write this out. And I was NOT thinking of blogging at 4 in the morning. No way! So there you have it, that is NOT what I did last night!! No way!!

Her name

2009-01-08T18:41:00.000-08:00

So, of course as soon as I tell everyone the name we picked, my wonderful husband says in bed last night "I think we should consider differnt names." So I guess its back to the drawing boards! Plus our nerves are setting in, and a week from tomorrow we get another ultrasound to MAKE SURE this baby is a girl! I guess there is still a chance she is a he, but I seriously doubt that!

So on to more baby name lists!

2008-12-31T17:10:00.000-08:00

HAPPY NEW YEARS EVE!!!

Well I can't believe how fast this year past, but I am glad its over. This past year was a hard one, having so many challenges, but we made it through and we are better at the end than the beginning. I cant wait to see what next year has to bring, and I can't wait to meet our new baby! Here is my belly shot I have been holding out on because I am so huge!! Hope everyone has fun tonight! I am going to be sleeping with my hubby and kiddo.

18 Weeks!!!

Bubye Christmas!!

2008-12-28T20:58:00.000-08:00

Tonight Lillian decided that we needed to take the Christmas tree OUT and put up her new tent.

She got a HUGE Little Mermaid tent/playhouse for Christmas and there wasnt enough room to put it up. I told her that when we take down the Christmas tree we would make her a spot for it and she decided that needed to be TONIGHT. So it took us 10 minutes and its down. I guess I dont have to do it next weekend!

We had a relaxing weekend, today spending it with the In-Laws. Lily got so many new toys this past week that I am not sure what to do with them all!! Hopefully tomorrow we will clean up her room and situate it so we can fit everything in there. I also want to move her dresser out of the room and just have one in the closet so I can put the crib up in there. Wow, I can't believe I am already going to get the crib out! Well I will wait until my next ultrasound to be sure we are having a little girl first. I am about 80% that its a girl and I want to see it again before I believe it.

Thanks

2008-12-26T21:19:00.000-08:00

Things I am thankful for today...

Figuring out what was wrong with my truck, and fixing it on our own!
My hair being back to blonde, without screwing it up!
The fact that my second child is most likely a girl, so my kids will know the joys of sisterhood.
My dog and kid both being clean for the most part before bed.
That Christmas was so awesome and that my family LOVED the gifts we gave them.
That today is FRIDAY and Nick and I can hang out for two more days before he goes back to work.
Nick and I opened a bank account with the help from Colleen.
That only a day after Christmas Nick and I have my truck fixed, our cell phone bill paid, and still have money in the bank.
That my husband works in one of the only jobs not effected severely by the ressesion.
That we will most likely buy a home in the next two years!
That in just a few months I will have a new car to fit both my babies.

And most of all, today I am thankful that I am alive. 7 years ago, at about this very time, my sister and I were shot at for NO reason. Thankfully all 5 people in the car made it out with just two gun shot wounds! LOL, sorry bad joke, but really, we are all here today, and that is AMAZING. I have always dreaded December 26th because it brings me back to the scariest day of my life, a day that still haunts my thoughts and causes me to break down once in a while. I can't believe that it happened to us, but it did. Today I wasnt afraid though. But thats a blog for another day. PTSD is a WHOLE blog in itself....

So today I am thankful! Thats all I can be.

Our baby Ruby!

2008-12-25T20:53:00.000-08:00

Our baby girl Ruby!
She is still a bit skeletal right now, so we are going to let her bake a little longer and get a little cuter!

Ruby's feet! She has her right foot on top of her left and you can see ALL 10 toes!!

Merry Christmas!!!

2008-12-25T20:01:00.000-08:00

Today I get to share the news I shared with my family!!!

We are having a baby girl! Lily is beyond happy and Nick and I are over the moon! We plan on naming the new addition Ruby (middle name TBD). We go back on January 16th to confirm the gender, and I should have some nice pictures to share after that appointment. Although Nick thought it would be amazing to have a son, I have always thought I was ment to have two daughters and it came true! HORRAY!!! Now I feel like my family is complete!

What a difference two years make!

2008-12-19T20:17:00.000-08:00

When Lily was first born she was a bit too young to meet Santa. Well at least in my eyes, because she was only about 5-6 weeks old. Well the next year she wasn't exactly happy to see him. THIS year she treated him like an old friend. I wanted to compare pictures here.

I am so excited about Christmas! And the best part is that I have a GREAT gift for each person in the family. Of course its SO hard for me not to give everyone their gifts right away, but I am doing good not blurting out what everyone is getting. Secrets are SO fun!! Plus this year on Christmas day my moms WHOLE family will be at her house including her new in-laws! Then that afternoon we are going to make the drive out to Nick's uncles house and see his family too. Its going to be a busy day but full of family!

Lily is SO excited about Santa coming so we are going to go all out and bake him cookies and leave some milk and carrots for the reindeer! We are also going to teach her about Saint Nicholas and the story of Jesus. I know I am not a religious person, nor do I read or follow the bible, but I feel like if we celebrate Christmas she should understand why. I am going to let her make her own decisions about what she believes, and I am going to give her all of the tools I have to make that decision.

I have a doctors appointment on Monday and he is going to do some blood work and probably schedule my ultrasound! How exciting! I hope everyone has a great weekend!!

just some pictures.

2008-12-15T19:57:00.000-08:00

Jessie Me & Dad
Lily likes mushrooms

waiting for the parade

I have no idea what this is about

She loves her annual pass!!!

on the way home from the Bonnie Hunt Show

check up

2008-12-10T16:30:00.000-08:00

After last weeks debacle we decided to speak to my OB/GYN about my headaches. So this morning I went to the doctors. I guess babies are resilient little suckers because mine is just fine. He was surprised that the ER didn't check the baby, and that they didn't give me Demerol, which is what SHOULD be used on pregnant women. But then again he was also surprised that they left me in the hall the whole time. I also found out that since last Monday, 9 days ago, I have lost 6 pounds. It looks like its all stemming from my eyes and I am going to need to get some new glasses. It doesn't help that Moose ate my other ones. So I am going to see what we can do about me getting new glasses as soon as possible. Hopefully this works, because there isnt much anyone can do for me until I have the baby.

ER, Bonnie Hunt, and a dinosaur!

2008-12-05T10:42:00.000-08:00

So the past two days have been pretty interesting. On Wednesday I had the WORST migraine EVER. The doctor has prescribed me Tylenol 3 to treat them. Well I took two on Tuesday night, then two again on Wednesday morning. They didn't help at all. Usually for the migraines I take Excedrin Migraine, which always works, but my doctor said NO I cant take them. So I did exactly what the Dr ordered and it didn't work. Then I threw up. Not to get too graphic here but in the bile there was blood. Not a lot but enough to worry me. So I called nick and said that I should go to the doctors. The Dr was out of the office so they suggested the emergency room. That was an ordeal in its self! When I got there it became obvious it was the PA's first day on the job. He didn't want to treat me at all because I am pregnant. I received an IV, meds for nausea, and more Tylenol 3. I had told them it hadnt worked at home but that was all he was willing to do. So I sat in the hallway with my IV pole next to a screaming baby for 3 hours waiting for something to happen. That didn't work out to well at all. In fact my head hurt more than ever. Then the wonderfully clueless PA walks up to me and tells me that he is going to send me home with ANOTHER prescription for Tylenol3. Of course, being the hormonal wreck I am I start crying and say "I CAME IN HERE BECAUSE THAT DIDNT WORK WHEN I TRIED IT AT HOME! NOW I AM ASKING YOU TO TRY SOMETHING ELSE. I CANT GO HOME FEELING LIKE THIS."

Well about 15 minutes later he says that the only other thing he is willing to give me is morphine. Wonderful. Now not only will I have a headache, but I am going to be doped up too. Luckily they only gave me a small dose and I didn't get messed up, but of course the morphine didn't help my migraine either. By that time I decided that I was going to go home, because they were obviously not going to help me out at all. Nick and I got home that night and got in bed. As soon as I laid down I felt sick. nick threw me the trash can and *WARNING TMI* I start vomiting straight blood, and A LOT OF IT. It just kept coming out and there was nothing I could do to stop it. Nick called the ER back and of course they blew him off and said that I should just stay home because its probably just a tear in my esophagus. So thats what I did. I had something to eat, took some Excedrin like I should have to begin with, and went to bed. I still have a mild headache, but it looks like I am going to for the next few weeks with no relief.

Then yesterday Jessie and I went to a taping of the Bonnie Hunt show. It was fun, but we couldn't hear anything. It was their Christmas Toy episode, and we were oh so lucky enough to receive a "special gift" of a couple toys. You are not going to believe this but we got an Elmo Live!, a Wii Cheer game, and a Kota Triceratops! Holy crap!

This is what the dinosaur is for those of you who dont know. Its HUGE, like 4 feet long and 3 feet tall!! Its sitting in the living room right now because I have no idea what to do with it! AND WE GOT TWO! We are giving one to our nephews for Christmas, and letting Lily keep one!

Everything else is alright. I stay home a lot, but thats cool with me. I only wish that people would come visit me here. I dont know why but no one likes to come to my house. Bummer, but whatever. I am going to try to take a nap.

Take time to realize

2008-12-02T11:36:00.000-08:00

1. I've come to realize that my hair... has gotten really long, but needs to be trimmed.

2.I've come to realize that my job… is being a mother. Its doesn't pay nearly enough but I wouldn't change it for the world

3. I've come to realize that I need to focus on... getting a schedule around here before the new baby comes.

4. I've come to realize that my heart...is lonely and that Nick is pretty distant lately.

5. I've come to realize that I hate it when... people try to make me feel guilty for bogus shit.

6. I've come to realize that when I'm tipsy... I talk a lot

7. I've come to realize that money... ruins life.

8. I've come to realize that certain people... are selfish.

9. I've come to realize that I'll never be... neat. Ever. I will always be messy.

10. I've come to realize drugs...are extremely necessary for giving birth

12. I've come to realize that my cell phone... doesn't matter as much as I thought it would

13. I've come to realize when i woke up this morning... i wanted to go back to sleep

14. I've come to realize that last night before i went to sleep... I was much more tired than I thought i would be

15. I've come to realize that right now I am thinking about... being pissed off all the time. I wish people would

16. I've come to realize that when I get on Myspace... I am usually just bored.

17. I've come to realize that yesterday... was amazing even if I was upset at Nick

18. I've come to realize that today... I just want to curl up in a ball.

19. I've come to realize that tonight... isnt something I am looking forward to.

20. I've come to realize that tomorrow I will...be cleaning my house

21. I've come to realize that I really want to... know what this baby is.

22. I've come to realize that the person who is most likely to re post this… is my friend.

23. I've come to realize that i love...my kiddos, even if I haven't met one of them.

24. I've come to realize that this weekend... I will probably being doing whatever my dad plans without telling me first.

25. I've come to realize that some friends... dont understand that I feel like shit and dont want to leave the house, so they choose to take it offensively instead of understanding.

26. I've come to realize that this year... has been really hard and I haven't gotten anywhere in life.

14 weeks UPDATED

2008-12-01T12:58:00.000-08:00

***Baby sounds great! Heartrate was 140, and it was moving around like crazy!***

I am officially in my second trimester! Woo Hoo!!

I have a doctors appointment today at 3:00. I hope I get to see the baby or hear the heartbeat, because its been too long without it. It freaks me out. I have been on my last nerve waiting for this appointment. I feel like this is what I need, to make sure the baby is OK, then I will get excited.

Well the yard sale was a bust. I managed to sell a bunch of old baby stuff, since I need new ones pretty danm bad. I desperatly need a new pack and play, stroller, carseat (of course), and bedding. I never even bought bedding for Lily and it made me pretty sad. I have chosen a few things I am going to get, like the stroller (its a sit n stand for Lily too) and I am getting a stroller base I just have to hook that carrier on for small outings. I have also chosen the most awesome baby hammock I would like. With Lily, she had such a hard time sleeping when she was a newborn. I understand that it was because in the womb babies are lulled to sleep by gental movements, then to expect them to lay still and fall asleep is a joke. SO here is the sleeper I will be getting

http://www.toysrus.com/product/index.jsp?productId=2958429

I also cant wait to find out if the baby is a boy or girl. I am feeling like GIRL, but I think thats because its all I have ever known. I will find out in a few weeks. I get to look forward to Christmas then getting a peek to see what this bean is!! I am not counting New Years, because staying up until midnight with drunk people doesnt sound exciting at all! I plan on going to bed, waking up early, and watching the rose parade. That will be my new years.

Thanksgiving was good. Lots of food and family. Jessie and I baked a turkey and it was so good it melted off the bones! No really, Dad took itout of the oven and wanted to movie it onto a tray and couldnt because it fell apart. I also made home made gravy that was AMAZING! I cant wait to have a home of my own and have my own thanksgiving party!

Everything else is alright. I am tired and cranky and would prefer to spend my days alone inside, but thats to be expected while I'm pregnant. I am not a friendly person in this state. These hormones are doing a number on me and my family. Well thats it for now, but until then check out my twitter.

Needing a break

2008-11-20T16:06:00.000-08:00

I think I am going to take a bit on an internet break, hopefully for the whole weekend.

Tomorrow I will be hitting 13 weeks. The second trimester. While I know I should be thrilled, I am a bit nervous. I think I have been reading too many miscarriage stories. While I admire the strenght of every woman, and have sat here and cried with them, I am starting to have fears about my own pregnancy. I also am having fears of miscarriage still. I have no reasoning for these fears though. Logically I know that. I still have my pregnancy symptoms although they seem to be easing up. I havent seen or heard my baby in a month, and that is scary too. I have an appointment coming soon and I hope that my doctor tries, if not, I will let him know my fears.

I spend quite a bit of time on TWW, and those women are AMAZING. Its just that it seems that when the second trimester rolls around and we should be excited about our comming babies, I am still reading so many sad sad stories of women losing them. It feels as if I am insulting these women by not commenting, but I am not. I am so sad for them, and want nothing but the best for them and for them to hold heathy babies in their arms, it just makes me wonder if I am going to be in their shoes too.

I wonder if god will bless this child to be heathy, and if he does why he didnt do that for the women I have come to call friends. It seems so unfair. Why he would not old take away these women's babies, but for some, their chance or desire to even try again. Why should I be lucky enough to hold another baby in my arms, when these women who are SO deserving cant....

So thats where I stand. I am going to turn off my computer, get ready for my yard sale this weekend, and think positivly. I will still think of these women, and their losses, but I am going to start thinking of my baby, and try to look at the bright future.

Don't get me wrong, I am THRILLED about being pregnant, I just feel like I can't get too excited yet... Maybe that day will come soon.

Monday

2008-11-17T11:38:00.001-08:00

So after 7 1/2 hours on Saturday, Nick made it the 48 miles home from work.. Hmmm..

We went to Disneyland yesterday. It had been about 2 months since we went, which was a nice break. Yesterday was a lot of fun and we stayed and watched Fantasmic for the first time. It was such a cool show! Also for the very first time every Lillian got to meet Tinkerbell! They have opened Pixie Hallow and you get to meet Tink and her fairy friends. SO cool! Now we are just waiting for Its a Small World to open this weekend. We will probably go back sometime next week and see it!

I was watching an interview today with Angelina Jolie, about her movie Changling. Its so crazy to read and watch about a story that sadly ends here in the town I grew up in. A lot of people don't know, but Mira Loma was originally called Wineville, but after the horrible Chicken Coop murders the towns name was changed. Well they have made a movie about the murders now. I am still in the air if I want to see it. It seems more real when the murders are from your home, just a couple miles away. I know it happened in the 1920's, but those things forever change your views of the place around you. I dont think I will ever drive down Wineville road without thinking about it again. BTW, thats where it happened, on Wineville. I'll add a link about it if you want to read the story.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Christine_Collins#Walter_Collins

As for me, things here are good. The morning sickness has generally subsided for now, with a few bouts here and there. I am still extremely exhausted, but hopefully I will get a bit of my energy back soon. I am on the very edge of my first trimester and can finally see my second coming soon! I am counting down the days. Everything else is going great. I don't really feel pregnant anymore though. Its nice, but a little freaky at the same time. Almost like I am wondering if everything is still OK. I remember this feeling with Lily, but I rented a doppler so I could check her heartbeat everytime I felt like this. Maybe I will do it again, but I am not so sure. It turned into an obsession with Lily and I dont really want to go there again.

Thats it for today. I think I am going to turn on a movie for Lily so I can take a nap since Lily decided that waking up at 7 was a good idea. It would have been if we didnt get home at midnight last night!

Yorba Linda Fires

2008-11-15T17:32:00.001-08:00

Maybe its because I am pregnant, but I am super emotional right now.

There is a huge fire in Yorba Linda. For many of us who live here in the Inland Empire, we know that the 91 freeway through the canyon is basically the only way to get to Orange County. Today a fire started off of Green River, in the mobile home park right off of the freeway. Sadly 500 of those homes have been destroyed, and there hasn't been an accounting of injured. Now the fire has headed over the hill and is destroying homes there too. Both the 91 freeway and the 57 freeway are closed. Well just my luck, Nick was in the office training some people today. He left work at 2:30pm.....

NOT a good idea!

His office is right where the 91 and 55 meet. (The 55 only goes SOUTH, not north, so that wasnt an option)

Both of the freeways around him are closed so he is trying to take back roads up to the 60 freeway, well apparently so is half of southern California. So now its 3 hours later and he has traveled about 15 miles total.

Anyways, I can't take my eyes off of the TV, watching the devastation. The homes that are burning are high class and most likely they have insurance. It doesnt make it hurt any less, but those 600 people in the mobile home park are mostly senior citizens and I dont doubt many of them have just lost EVERYTHING. I wish I could help. So now I sit here wanting to cry for all of those who have just lost everything. Please everyone keep them in your prayers. And the firemen too. Their going to need it tonight.

"I'm in a store and I'm SINGING"

2008-11-09T19:03:00.000-08:00

My baby is 3... OH MY! I cant believe that she is three years old! It feels like yesterday that I held her for the first time, but then again it feels like she has ALWAYS been a part of my life. Sometimes I dont even remember what life was like when I wasn't "Mommy". I am glad I know though. I am glad that I was blessed with my little surprise. And I am blessed that this baby I am carrying seems to be healthy too! Its so terrifying thinking of the possibilities so I am deciding NOT to. I am going to think only positive thoughts! :)

I can not believe that in just over 6 months I am going to be a mother of two...

Lily's Birthday party was great. We had so much fun and she was such a great little girl. I was so proud of her. She had the time of her life. I think I only saw her a total of 30 minutes the whole time. The best part was that her cousins Zach and Luke got to come! I didn't think they would be able to but my sister is a PRO at fitting EVERYTHING into her ultra busy schedule. If only I had her drive! I will post pictures soon, but there aren't many. We had too much fun to stop and take pictures!

Next comes Thanksgiving at Aunt Kathy & Uncle Donald's house. Thanksgiving always seems to be the best at their house! Its totally worth the drive! Plus I get to see my cousin Anna and meet her new baby boy Baemon. I hear he looks more like Anna than Micheal. But he would be lucky either way. That kid has HOT parents. lol

I am also super excited about Christmas this year. Taking Lily to see Santa, the lights, downtown, and of course to see the Christmas Train! That was SO much fun last year. She finally understands what Christmas is and CONSTANTLY is watching Christmas movies already. Her favorites are Elf and Barbie in a Christmas Carol. But mostly Elf. Next week we will take her to see Madagascar. I am just too darn tired to go today. but she did learn where Madagascar is on a globe, and I think thats pretty damn cool that my kid is learning geography already!

AND OH YEAH!!! NO MORE PULL UPS AT NIGHT!!!! SHE IS FULLY POTTY TRAINED!!!!!!!

Thats a quick update here! More coming later!

AND MY BFF SHAWNIE IS COMING HOME! HORRAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Caution, another political post...

2008-11-06T11:21:00.001-08:00

If politics aren't your thing you can stop reading now, I wouldn't be offended! :)

And for his first action as newly elect president Barack Obama has chosen Rahm Emanuel as Chief of Staff.... A man who served under the Clinton administration... Figures

Go ahead, google him. Surprise surprise, he also sat on the board for Freddie Mac. Remember how that company fell?!

Of course there will now be another member of the white house staff with personal connection to the middle east. Emanuel's father, who is now a doctor, was previously a member of the Irgun group. Google that too.

I have a bad taste in my mouth about all of this. There shouldn't be so many personal ties between America and the Middle east. We should never have put ourselves in the middle of their religious wars, but now it seems like not only will America be involved politically, but it seems now personally... UGH... Religious wars are NONE of our business...

And the winner is

2008-11-05T08:45:00.000-08:00

Barack Hussein Obama...

First off I have to say that I am proud and surprised that this country has over come so much prejudice and has elected its first black president from a muslim background! Only 150 years ago he wouldn't have even been allowed to vote, and now he will be president. That is a great step for America!!!

Now I just have to say i didn't vote for him. This election reminded me of high school. You had the popular candidate promising free pizza on Fridays and the non-popular candidate promising realistic things like bigger selections in the student store... Well of course the popular guy won. I of course have hope that he will do his best to turn this country around. My only concern is that based on his tax ideas my Dad, a man who has worked his ass off for 40 years to get where he is today is going to have his taxes doubled. And YES they will according to Obama. So that is going to be hard on this household. I also fear for those in Iraq. I dont agree with why were were there in the first place but to take away the support we have given them for 7 years and leave them on their own is just dangerous. I fear that they will succumb to another more hateful man like Saddam. I fear for the children who learned what safety was when the US Soldiers started protecting them. Of course I WANT them to be self sufficient but it doesn't happen over night. I pray that Obama has a plan to help them stand on their own.

All in all I just pray that Obama does whats best for EVERYONE.

As for California, I am disappointed. Proposition 4 needs to pass... I know so many people dont agree, but I think that a minor NEEDS to let an adult know if she is about to have an abortion!! It is such a dangerous procedure, and many women have horrible side effect and to not have to let someone responsible know is just SCARY! Here in Riverside a girl DIED because she had an abortion, didn't tell anyone, and had complications. When her mom finally tried to help it was too late. If proposition 4 had passed last time this wouldn't have happened. And its not like the girl has to tell her parents, she just has to tell someone over 21, and if its decided that its NOT in the girls best interest she doesn't have to. I just hope one day that Californians understand what this means. Abortions can cause huge problems with girls who are not fully grown causing them to have issues trying to have children later. Hopefully one day this will pass.

As for proposition 8, I think it is HORRIBLE of the people to vote for it. Sadly it passed. Just goes to show the hate that people have in their hearts. Maybe one day we will be able to accept ALL people. If they can elect a black man president maybe one day gay and lesbians will be considered equal too... Hopefully I get to see that happen.

Well thats it for me. How do YOU all feel?

The Family

2008-11-03T16:16:00.000-08:00

Wow, so much can happen in one weekend...

Halloween was FUN. Lily decided that she didn't want to be Ariel all day so for the afternoon she was Ariel then she was Giselle for trick or treating. It was a blast to finally be able to go trick or treating with my nephews! They were such good boys! :) I was proud of all three kids.

Well I was SHOCKED with some pretty exciting news this weekend. My sister, who was pregnant at the same time as me with lily is PREGNANT AGAIN! This time I am 6 weeks ahead of her! Its swapped. I am so excited that this baby is going to have a cousin the same age too. Lily and Lucas get along so great, I know it will be just as awesome with the next two. And next year we will be trick or treating with 5 kids!

Another exciting note is that my Mom is getting married! Galen proposed and wants to get married on Valentines Day!! HOLY CRAP thats 3 months away. I really want to help her all I can to plan it out. I know how hard it can be to do it alone and she works really hard. I know she doent want to get crazy with it, and I want it to be special for her. Plus she and Galen have been together 3 1/2 years, they deserve something special for their wedding day.

As for the little sprout, we still are arguing about names... But I guess thats just what we do. I have finally hit 10 weeks! I am in the double digits! Not too much longer and I will be in trimester #2!! HORRAY!! I also finally got some maternity clothes. I found the BEST store up in Rancho Cucamonga. Super cheap with stuff to keep both kids AND husbands busy! And the women there were SO helpful! Its called Destination Maternity kind of by Victoria Gardens. So thats it for me. TTFN

Update on the Sprout!!

2008-10-29T17:13:00.000-07:00

So I just got back from the doctors with some AMAZING news! My little bean is growing perfectly and is actually a week ahead of schedule so they changed my due date!! My baby is now due May 31st!! Its funny that my daughter is a Scorpio just like her great-grandfather (my Dads dad) and this baby will be a Gemini just like its Great Grandmother! (My Dad's Mom)

This means that my little sprout has graduated from embryo to fetus! YAY!! Only 23 more days until my second trimester!!!!

The Pumpkin Patch

2008-10-29T11:34:00.000-07:00

Lillian dressed up as her favorite princess Giselle from Enchanted.

6 Random things

2008-10-27T15:42:00.000-07:00

For Sarah!

1. I can only sleep next to a wall, if my bed isnt against a wall it takes HOURS to fall asleep.

2. I find a sick pleasure in reading romance novels. Sometimes I get so into them that I can read an entire book in a day or two.

3. I am totally obsessed with Britney Spears. And I have been since High School.

4. I don't eat pork. And not because I dont like it or I am Jewish or anything. Because when I was a freshman in HS I was in FFA and raised and showed pigs. Well my Dad bought my second one and when he sent it to slaughter they didnt put HIS name on it they put the name of the pig... So for YEARS there were uneaten packages in the freezer with the pigs name on them. Every time I eat pork all I can think of is that pig and it makes me feel sick. But not bacon, they didnt make any bacon out of him.

5. I cant ever keep my hair the same color. After a fwe months I get the urge to change it again. Like now I want it dark brown.

6. Although I have a bunch of Tattoos and have had a few piercings, I cant handle watching OTHER people get pierced. Hearing the POP when the needle goes through and smelling the disinfectant makes me pass out. It happened both times I tried to watch someone get a piercing.

"How do you FEEL?"

2008-10-25T18:49:00.000-07:00

Today i went to a baby shower for a family friend. Actually she is more like a cousin, but not related. It was the BEST baby shower i have ever been to. No uncomfortable chit chat, no hour long baby games, and we didn't even have to play the "DONT CROSS YOUR LEGS OR YOU WILL LOSE YOUR PIN" game. I hate that game and always forfeit my pin within 10 minutes of sitting down. They had good people, good food, and a a few fun games that were totally optional.

That's not what this post is about though. This post is about telling family and friends your pregnant. At 8 weeks I am looking more like I put on a few (a lot of) pounds. My stomach is big enough but between my uterus and BLOAT its HUGE. So in order to stop the "wow you look HEALTHY" comments, I just let the cat out of the bag... "Well I'm pregnant!" Of course for the first 20 minutes it was great. Just a congratulations and a hug and that was it. Then by the end it was "So how are you feeling?"... That is the WORST question to ask a pregnant woman in her first trimester. I lied and said GREAT quite a few times.

That leads me to where this post was originally going...
Why do people ask pregnant women how they feel? If you answer honestly you get dirty looks and a quick conversation ending "well thats nice" but if you LIE and say "Oh I feel WONDERFUL" then five minutes later when you have to sit down because of constant ligament pain and constipation, and of course the chronic headaches, they look at you like "WHATS WRONG WITH YOU!?" And then when you have a hormonal blow up and bite their head off people look at you like your crazy.

I am creating a NEW RULE, NEVER ASK A PREGNANT WOMAN HOW SHE FEELS! Ask her if she needs anything or if she has thought about names or nursery themes, that will surely get a good positive conversation going. Pregnancy doesn't "feel good". Its emotionally and physically draining. If only everyone understood. Ok rant over! Thanks, K bye...

Please?

2008-10-24T18:22:00.000-07:00

For the wonderful followers of my blog, would it be possible to send me your email addresses? I would apreciate it very much, and no I wont be sending you junk mail or anything, nor will I be using it for any other website than this one. Thanks!!

My email address is Lauren1018@sbcglobal.net. If you would like to send them there so they dont end up in a comment, just title the email Blogger.

First ultrasound!!

2008-10-22T12:55:00.000-07:00

We got to see our little bean today!! It was measuring right on, and the heartbeat was 157bmp. I am SO excited!!!

Happy Birthday to me

2008-10-20T10:37:00.000-07:00

So I am 24 now...

Not like it means ANYTHING, but I am. My birthday was kind of a bust. I woke up early and had to finish cleaning for the termite guy, then went to lunch at Bostons with Dad, Jess, David, Nick, Lily, & Me. I dont really like Bostons and the food was alright, but half way through the meal my nausea kicked in and I couldn't eat. Then we went to the mall so i could get a Bella Band because my pants dont fit. Bummer for me though because NO ONE IN RIVERSIDE CARRIES THEM!!! I am going to have to order them on the Internet. Then we met up with Mom, Galen, and Char for dinner at what Lily likes to call "Monkey Steer" (Spunky Steer formally Steer N Stein). That was fun. Then I came home and watched Moulin Rouge and went to sleep.

On Sunday I layed around the house all day reading Twilight from start to finish. Its an alright book, but I bet it will make a great movie. I did get a super awesome sewing machine though! I am really excited about that. I dont have any thread or material yet to play with it, but when I get some I am going to be making a crap load of stuff..

As for me, physically I have been feeling a little bit better. I get really nauseous when I dont eat and when I smell something gross, but I haven't been throwing up. Its totally different from when I was pregnant with Lily. I was hardly ever nauseous then, but I threw up a lot. I am hoping that part passes me up this time.

I am 7 weeks and 3 days pregnant today. I have my first ultrasound on Wednesday. I am super excited and cant wait to see the little bean. I am also praying we hear the heartbeat. I think I will feel 10 times better about this pregnancy when I hear the heartbeat. The chances of miscarriage after that drop to 3%. I guess we'll see.

PS- NO I DIDNT GET MY DAMN CAKE. DAD WENT TO GET ME ONE BUT SAID THEY DIDNT HAVE ANY OF THE KIND I LIKE, EVEN THOUGH I WILL BE HAPPY WITH ANYTHING. HE GOT ME AN OREO CAKE INSTEAD. ITS OK BUT ITS JUST NOT THE SAME..... LILY LIKED IT THOUGH.

TGIF

2008-10-17T15:40:00.000-07:00

So today is Friday, and hopefully the day slows down because its going WAY to fast. This morning my Dad and Sister took my daughter to the beach and now they are at Costco. It was nice because I had the WHOLE day to clean. I scrubbed the dining room and kitchen. Most people don't know how BAD our house gets but it was to the point where I wanted to wear a mask because it was smelling SUPER bad. Hours later I am sitting on my ass because I think I worked a bit too hard. I am starting to cramp up again. I guess I need to take it a easy for a little bit. I just have to have it clean by tomorrow morning because we are having a termite company come in and do an estimate and I couldn't imagine them coming in and inspecting our house like it was.

So tomorrow is my birthday. I am not too excited about it because Nick and I are pretty broke and wont be able to do anything. He also probably wont be getting me a gift, but this happens so often that I am used to it. I usually dont get a birthday, Christmas, anniversary, valentines day, or mothers day gift. I dont know how it happens but we always seem to be flat broke when it rolls around. But its OK because we need to save the money for Lily's birthday. I cant believe that in 3 weeks she is going to be 3 years old!! Its crazy!!

All I want for my birthday is to sleep ALL day. I want to curl up in my bed with NO ONE home and watch sappy movies and the TLC channel and doze in and out ALL DAY... OH and some cake.. I love cake. MMM especially the kind from the bakery at Albertson's. Fingers crossed that I get one!!

Ranting of a crazy pregnant lady.

2008-10-14T12:16:00.000-07:00

Today has been really rough. Not for any particular reason though. These hormones have taken over and I cant handle any stress at the moment. I would like to go hide in my bedroom until tomorrow. Hopefully I have a crazy mood swing and in an hour feel great! I just feel miserable. I was arguing with the billing lady from my doctors and now I am sitting here and can feel my blood pressure up, I am crying and shaking and want to sleep forever. Luckily Nick is home now and he will take care of everything. I think I am going to start cleaning my room. It has to be done by Saturday when the termite people come to inspect the house. Once my room is done I have to do the rest of the house because they are going to do a thorough inspection. I just wish I could keep this house clean for one whole week. But that would never happen. With 6 people, 4 dogs, 1 cat, and NO GRASS, this whole house is determined to be filthy. Oh well....
I guess my rant is over. I feel better now.

Not Me! Monday

2008-10-13T12:03:00.000-07:00

Last week I DID NOT make Lily eat her fruit loops while sitting backwards on the toilet using it as a table so I could take a much needed shower.

I did NOT pay the extra $4 at the Los Angeles Zoo to ride the tram because I was too tired to walk.

I did NOT use being pregnant as an excuse when asking for 4 sides of ranch while ordering dinner the other night at Farmer Boys.

On Friday I did NOT go into the bathroom to barf and was NOT followed in by my daughter who absolutely did not proceed to watch me throw up for 5 minutes. I was not so consumed in throwing up that I just COULDNT make her get out. Then when I was done I did NOT laugh when she asked me if I spit out the baby. Not Me!!

And there is NO way I ate nachos for breakfast this morning! NOT ME! I would never do that!

__________________________________________________________________
The wind SUCKS.

I have a feeling we will be losing power at some point today. It usually happens when the Santa Ana Winds blow. Last year on my birthday we lost power for about 32 hours. I wouldn't be surprised if it happened again this year. My birthday is on Saturday. I am not too sure what we are going to do though. We are kinda broke so it wont be anything crazy. I still have a cold. I think its nap time. :) A cold, the wind, and the inability to take anything for my sinus issues is a bummer so I am going to try to sleep until it goes away.

lets just pray that this wind slows down today, that we dont lose power, and that lily give me a bit of a break so i can nap.

And on a lighter note, Nick has been reading the What To Expect book. He is starting to understand how I feel and not giving me as much crap for my mood swings. I just hate to drive him so crazy but I cant always help it. Eh he knows I love him.

And to keep everyone updated I will add picture from our outing yesterday.

First we went to the LA Zoo

Then we went to the Pirates Dinner Adventure

No kisses? I HATE YOU!

2008-10-11T21:28:00.000-07:00

UGH, Lillian has gotten mommy sick. And Nick got Lily sick. Don't you hate that circle? I can't stand when I feel like this. It is so frustrating to have a stuffy nose and headache and I cant take any dayquil or NyQuil... And on top of it all, my hormones are in overdrive.

Poor Nick. I think he forgot what it was like for me in my first trimester. Luckily for him, last time we didn't live together. He never saw this side of me 24/7. He thinks that I hate him. Yes I did get mad, roll my eyes, and refuse to say bye to him when he left to GET MY MEDS AT THE STORE... but he didn't give me a kiss. I actually cried because he didn't hug and kiss me goodbye. I think now that I am insane but at the time I was really hurt. It helps though waking up from a nap with a dozen long stem pink roses next to the bed. He knows they are my favorite.

The sad part is he hasn't bought me flowers in a year and a half, and last night I started crying and was like "YOU NEVER BUY ME FLOWERS ANYMORE" then today he does. It sort of loses its romance when he only does it when I ask. But he still did it so I am stoked.

Tomorrow I think we are going to take Lily to the Los Angeles Zoo. We usually go to the San Diego Zoo or the Wild Animal park, but there is just too much damn walking and hills at those places and I dont think I can handle it right now. Plus the LA zoo is SO much closer. Then maybe sunset at the beach. Its super cold here but going to the beach for sunset is beautiful and you get the BEST pictures.

Anyways, off to bed to sleep MORE. Sleeping is my favorite!

Lets Get Political.

2008-10-08T08:42:00.000-07:00

A to Z of Politics

TAKE THIS SURVEY!

Take this survey

A: What is your political party AFFILIATION?
Undeclared

B: Did you vote for George W. BUSH?
Yes, he was the lesser of two evils

C: Should illegal immigrants be able to earn CITIZENSHIP?
Yes!

D: Do you watch political DEBATES?
Yes

E: Do you agree with EITHER presidential candidate 100 percent?
No, of course not

F: Should there be absolute right to FIREARM ownership?
No absolute. There is no reason to own automatic weapons.

G: Should GAY marriages be legalized?
Yes

H: Should companies be required to HIRE more women & minorities?
No

I: What ISSUE do you feel strongest about?
Taxes

J: Is the legal drinking age JUSTIFIED?
Yes

K: Do you feel you have enough KNOWLEDGE of your cadidate to make an educated vote?
Absolutely

L: Are you pro LIFE or pro choice?
I am pro life, but would never take away a woman's right to decide for herself.

M: Do you have friends or family in the MILITARY?
Yes

N: What is your NATIONALITY?
American

O: What are some of your OTHER political concerns?
Gas prices, and homeland drilling NEEDS to happen.

P: Do you believe in capitol PUNISHMENT?
YES!!!

Q: Do you QUESTION wheather or not our government is connected to 9/11 tragedies?
No. I know that Clinton knew about the threat and so did Bush

R: Do you like your presidential hopeful's RUNNING mate?
Yes!! I think she is just like me

S: SHOULD marijuana be legalized?
Yes

T: When should our TROOPS come home?
Eventually, but slowly.

U: Should the UNITED States develop space-based military platforms?
Um... lol to protect from Aliens? Sure.

V: Are you registered to VOTE?
Yes

W: Is this WAR necessary?
it is but I think its localized in the wrong place.

X: Who (e)XACTLY do you plan on voting for?
McCain & Pailin

Y: Do YOUR friends share the same political views as you?
Some.

Z: Which voting location are you ZONED to?
I am an absentee voter. I vote at home.

CLICK HERE TO TAKE THIS SURVEY!

More MySpace Surveys | Tired of MySpace?

Not Me monday!

2008-10-06T16:41:00.000-07:00

This weekend I did NOT let my daughter sleep in my bed even though we are trying to get her into her own bed. I did NOT eat a snack size bag of funyuns for breakfast. I did NOT spend $500 in fee's at the DMV this morning because I slack on paying my registration, parking tickets, and licence replacement fees... I did NOT put on Alice in Wonderland to keep my child occupied while I took a nap. And I did NOT take Lily in the shower with me 3 days in a row because I didnt feel like giving her a bath. What did YOU not do?

"I POOPED"

2008-10-05T14:42:00.000-07:00

I wish that I could get as excited as my daughter over the smallest things. She just ran into the living room sans underwear screaming "I POOPED! I POOPED! IT CAMED OUT! COME SEE IT!"

I mean, how PERFECT that would be. She is now glowing and in the best mood all because she had a bowel movement. If that were me I wouldn't need the medications I am on!

Which brings me to Prenatal Vitamins. For those of you who have been lucky enough to never have to take them, be aware that when you DO get pregnant this will be your future! The are the most horrible vitamins ever. They smell like rotting vegetables and taste worse. And they make me burp death.. And now on top of it all the doctors are now recommending a DHA supplement. I guess its supposed to make my baby smarter. I suppose thats a good thing because my kids will one day have to support me, but its annoying to have to add another pill to the evening routine. For those of you who dont know, it is MUCH easier to take prenatals at night, that way you sleep through the burping and stomach aches.

Today I am in a cooking mood. Well sort of. I baked cupcakes. And when I frost them they will look like mushrooms. I will take pictures and add them later. I also made my famous homemade spinach artichoke dip. OK so its not famous, but its damn good and should be. So now I am going to sit here eat my dip and cupcakes watch football and hang out. Jealous? You shouldn't be! :) LOL Hope everyone else is having a great weekend!

I also decided that my dog needed a mohawk, but I couldnt cut one, so I dyed it blue...

CRYING

2008-10-02T11:51:00.000-07:00

So as soon as I get home from telling the doctor how lucky I am that I havent had any morning sickness, I get sick... I guess I am just destined to have it... AND...

The hormones have officially taken over! My mom called me today to tell me that she has to work the day of my daughters birthday party, which is supposed to be at her house. Needless to say I was stressed. She told me that she would be there for the party but only about 3 hours. Well my mom is the type of woman that keeps her house imaculate and if ANYTHIING goes wrong you are DEAD... So I was freaking out thinking, I cant do this! Then my mom starts freaking out about ME freaking out, then I started CRYING!! YEAH CRYING!! WTF!

She starts getting mad at me for crying and I'm like I CANT HELP IT IM PREGNANT! lol... So I made her promise that she would only work the MORNING of the party and stay for the rest of the day. I think she thinks I'm crazy... Anyways, I hang up the phone and I am STILL crying, so I wait like 10 minutes and call my husband and I'm like "Nick I cant stop CRYING!" and he calmed me down... But wow that was sucky!

First appointment!

2008-10-01T09:10:00.000-07:00

I am leaving right now for my first preggy apointment. I'll let everyone know how it went when I get back!

***UPDATE***

Everything looks GREAT!! I go for my ultrasound on Oct 22nd and my next appointment is Oct. 29th. I LOVE my new doctor. He is HILARIOUS and made me feel super comfotable, and his office is literally 3 miles away. I had my blood drawn and all of the other SUPER FUN tests done too. YAY!!

Not Me Monday!

2008-09-29T09:10:00.000-07:00

Here goes my first Not Me Monday post.

Today I did NOT wake up and take ANOTHER pregnancy test to see it say positive AGAIN.

Last night I did NOT lay in bed picking out names for our baby even though I am not even 5 weeks pregnant yet.

This morning I did NOT just give Lily frosted flakes because I didnt feel like cooking breakfast.

I did NOT wake up and see that the dog had gotten in the trash and just step over it because I didnt feel like picking it up yet.

I did NOT scrub the toilet for 15 minutes yesterday because I know that within a week I am going to have my head in it so far that I would have noticed all of the spots.

I did NOT let Lily have some of my diet squirt. Now way!

What did you NOT do today?

Ahhh

2008-09-29T08:40:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I still cant believe this is real. I wake up trying to convince myself that I am pregnant. So today I took my last digi, and of course it says "Pregnant." I almost expected that it said STILL pregnant. I have been waiting for this for so long that now that its finally real I just cant believe it! I think that when I go to the doctors on Wednesday I will get a confirmation that actually sticks. I am so terrified that this isnt real. That I will go to the doctors and he will say "no, those were false positives, your NOT pregnant"... I mean, 4 tests CAN'T be wrong, plus I missed a period, and I have symptoms up the ass, so I know I am pregnant, but I just want this so badly. Anyways, Nick and I were talking about genders. He wants a boy pretty badly, and he says he thinks it will be a boy, but Lily says she wants a sister. I kind of hope its a boy so i can have one of each, but I think it would be awesome for Lillian to have a sister too, because I had so much fun with sisters.

So I cant wait until Wednesday. hehe.. YAY!!!

Digital!

2008-09-27T13:35:00.001-07:00

And now I have digital confermation! This makes me feel 100% better just seeing the word.

My first doctors appointment is on Wednesday morning. Hopefully they do an ultrasound and I get to see at least the sac!! :) So far my edd is June 6th

4 wks 1 day

2008-09-26T12:51:00.000-07:00

So, I am now trying to convince myself that this is REAL! I am going to get some more tests tonight just so I can see the lines getting darker, and hopefully a digital test that says "PREGNANT". I am beyond excited. Last night Lily told me that its a girl and that she is going to have a sister named Alice, and I asked what her middle name would be and she said UMMM ROSE!... So thats it for me, if this baby is a girl her name will be Alice Rose. Nick gets NO say! Lily picked. LOL. I am SO excited, but SO scared. I am not feeling anything odd, but I am EXHAUSTED, I have total food aversions, mild cramping, and my poor nipples feel like someone gave them a few good pinches.. TMI? Maybe, but hey thats how I am feeling.

Heres a pic of baby right now

BTW- I know this isnt MY baby, but thats what mine looks like.

As for Lillian, she is a pain in my rear lately. Her attitude just seems to get worse every day. But thats OK, my sister Lindsey told me that the 3's were worse than the 2's so I am a little bit prepared. I say a little bit because I have NO idea what kind of attitude my little girl is going to get, but I have a feeling she is going to give me a hard time! But on the UP side, she is awesome. We play the book game a lot (where you find things in the pictures) then we will start on words so she will learn to recognize words. Its how my dad taught us to read, and it works pretty good. We are getting ready for her birthday party. Its going to be great. We are going to do a Mad Hatter Tea Party. Last weekend we bought a bunch of tea cups and plates from antique and thrift stores. I am going to make a few centerpieces out of them, then buy the sets made of plastic for the kids to actually use. I'm excited.

We are selling nicks truck too. It runs GREAT, has new tires, the interior is super clean, but the body damage mixed with gas prices is too much for us to keep up. its a great truck if someone can replace the front bumper and headlights, and tail lights.... And doesn't mind a few dents. I think $2500 is a good price as is. Maybe someone will buy it. We got the settlement from when Nick was hit at work, and the money I get for selling the truck plus selling the VW (which I am doing too) will be enough to make a good down payment on a newer truck with more room for baby #2... Then maybe I can sell MY truck and get a car which is what I really need to do. I just know we cant afford 2 car payments, which SUCKS. So i get stuck with my beater truck. If only nicks truck got better gas mileage. I would rather sell MY piece of shit, than his but whatever. I just dont know how I am going to fit TWO car seats in mine. Hopefully though Lily will be big enough for a booster by the time baby #2 comes then we can have enough room. Ahhh, baby #2!! hehe

My results

2008-09-25T13:16:00.000-07:00

I took a test this morning and...

(its MUCH darker in person, but my camera flushed it out)

Its positive!!!!!! Its still super early. This makes me 4 weeks today. I am going to have a baby! YAY!

Crossing my fingers

2008-09-24T12:18:00.000-07:00

Ok, so today is cycle day 26 of my cycle. My last two cycles were both 26 days long. I am feeling extremely tired, I have heartburn, I am peeing like crazy, my breasts are super tender, and I have been a little but nauseous. I dont know if its too early to test but I am hoping it isnt. I have a good feeling about this cycle. But I have said that a few times before. I dont know if a positive test is in my future but I am hopeful. When Nick gets home from work we are going to go out and buy some test! YAY!! Wish me luck!

He did it again.

2008-09-23T13:48:00.000-07:00

My husband just got into his third accident in a year. I feel like I am always getting phone calls saying "I got into an accident"... Well technically I am. It started off that he rear ended someone on the freeway. Then a few weeks later he did it again. Then just a couple weeks ago he gets rear ended on a job site. Now he calls and says that he ran a red light and pushed a truck into a COP CAR!!!!!! I mean COME ONE! I dont know what to do about it all. How many times can I tell him to slow down and pay attention? We cant afford this at all. I want to throw my hands in the air and cry. I cant take much more of this. You wouldn't believe the condition of his truck! No bumper, no headlights, no taillight, dents all over. All because he can seem to stop when he needs to. What do I do?

SO TIRED!

2008-09-22T20:39:00.000-07:00

Finally the weekend is over. Saturday we went to my little sisters friends baby shower. Her baby girl, Jaidyn, was born 5 weeks early due to preeclampsia, so we not only had a baby shower but we got to meet the baby too! She is SOO tiny and beautiful. Then we rushed off to my friend Haley's sons birthday party. That was a lot of fun and Lily had a blast. She jumped in the jumper and ate cake and rode a bike and played bubbles. Needless to say she slept all the way home. It was fun but exhausting.

Then on Sunday we were lucky enough to get invited to a lunch at Club 33 at Disneyland. If you dont know what that is, its a private dining hall Walt Disney built for his VIP guests. After he passed away it was opened to the public for membership, but its not cheap. First you have to send a letter requesting a membership, then they send an application, you pay about $10,000 (plus 7,000 a year in dues) just to eat at this restaurant which is about $60 a plate and on top of it all, the waiting list to become a member is about 5 years long PLUS you cant even get added to it until 2010.
We were invited by a friend whos boss is a member. Members are allowed to invite up to 40 people so we were lucky enough to join them. I was really impressed at the quality. And instead of it feeling like a restaurant it was more like a private staff for lunch. I will cherish that trip forever. I probably will never get the chance to go again. I will post pictures as soon as I get them!

We hung out there until about 9pm then came home. Now, I am NOT complaining but when you get a babysitter for the day, it kind of sucks for them to take your kid to the EXACT SAME PLACE your going! I mean, I love my family and I know Lily loves Disneyland but when you are in the same general vicinity as your kid you can help want want to see them and feel guilty that your not hanging out with them. That's how it was yesterday. My Dad and sister took Lily to Disneyland. We were there with friends Colleen and Seth who DONT have kids. Its hard to explain to them why you want to make a detour to visit your kid, when you have a sitter. but Lily wasnt feeling Disneyland yesterday and they ended up leaving around 3:30 to go to uncles house and go swimming.

Today is a lazy day. We hung around the house, cleaned up after all the dogs (again) and are now watching Heros. Now I HAVE to say one thing. Have any of you played with Goop? My sister got some for Lily out of a vending machine and gave it to me to play with her. I have NEVER played with this stuff before, so I opened it up and stuck my finger in to get it out and was right away regretting the decision. Its like slimy sticky gooey boogers. It stuck to my fingers and I couldnt get it off. I found that baby wipes was the best removal. Anyways, my suggestion, DONT play with goop!!!

ZzzZZzZz

2008-09-15T21:03:00.000-07:00

Do you ever have one of those days where you just want everyone to leave you alone so you can zone out for hours? Today was one of those days for me. When I finally tried to nap my daughter was wide awake and my sister was asking 20 questions. Then when no one was left at home and it was FINALLY my daughters nap time I go to lay down with her in bed. Then like clock work the neighbor starts up his quad. Once he stops I think "THIS IS IT!" close my eyes then "AHHHHHHHHHHH" The children from the middle school up the street get out and come screaming down the road. Then only a few minutes after that the dogs decided to bark at a cat right outside my window. One the dogs calm down I hear a gaging sound and find my dog Moose throung up on my floor. I clean it up and lay back down. And after all of the distractions I FINALLY get to sleep. Two minutes later (no joke) I hear a car door, and my Dad and sister are home, Lily wakes up, and it starts all over again. I dont know WHY I am so tired but lord I just want to sleep. So here I go again, off to bed. Hopefully my dog is done throwing up... (He ate a charcoal fish filter.. I was told he will be OK just dont feed him for 24 hours). Good night guys.

Grammer

2008-09-12T16:06:00.000-07:00

Before opening. Just as the niche was opened a butterfly came flying around us. Its odd because when my grandfather passed away a butterfly swarmed us then. Its like they know.

Grandpa and Larry (my uncle, their oldest child who passed away from cancer) before placing grandma. Larry passed away in 87 and back then there were more remains left, thats why there are 2 boxes... I had to ask, I kinda freaked out when I first saw 2!

And now my grammer is right where she belongs. With Grandpa and Larry. <3
And now it feels like everything is OK. I will always miss her, but at least I know she is happy. I only wish she got to see Lily more than once.